1. I read One Hundred Years of Solitude in 1994 or so, and two things stuck with me: Remedios the Beauty ascending into heaven, and the yellow butterflies that followed a couple who were secretly in love.

The other day a coworker and I were going to lunch (I forgot to tell her something important that she needed to do so I bought her a guilt lunch to make up for it) and a yellow butterfly passed in front of us.

–I’m such an English major! Did you see that yellow butterfly?
–Yes…uh, are you going to write a poem about it or something?

I enjoyed the slightly frightened way she said that.

A moment ago I pulled One Hundred Years of Solitude off the shelf to reread the chapter about Mauricio Babilonia and Meme, only to find I kind of had it wrong. The yellow butterflies don’t follow them because they are in love. They follow Mauricio because they follow him everywhere despite any love factor. Then Meme’s mother discovers their trysts and everything goes to shit. I like my version much better. Also, in my version no one is shot in the back, paralyzed, and dies alone choking on yellow butterflies. And no one else is rendered mute and never combs her hair again. This book, y’all.

2. I am a very light sleeper, which is handy if you want to know if an ant is crawling around in your kitchen, but bad if you like sleeping. As I like sleeping and also like not being resentful of people who make noise in their sleep, I have tried a variety of earplugs. These are my findings:
–The foam ones are garbage.
–Yes, even the ones that are shaped differently.
–Yes, even the ones that say THESE FOAM ONES ARE THE BEST.
–The sticky blue Play-Doh ones are the way to go. The only way to go. Did you google best earplugs for snoring? Welcome. Buy the blue ones from Amazon. However, let me warn you: they can be TOO good. I have awoken not knowing what planet I’m on. There is no sound except my own heartbeat. I think even Michael Jackson’s sensory deprivation chamber probably had a little bit of white noise. These earplugs are serious. I have had to adjust them so I can hear the fan and a little bit of snoring, which reminds me I am not, in fact, alone on Mars, but here on Earth, lying awake thinking about yellow butterflies.