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26 Oct 2005

Fire in the Hole.

Written by sally @ 8:49 am — Section: sally

Larry’s office is in a house in a residential neighborhood (it’s temporary while they renovate their real office), and their next door neighbors are some rednecks from Alabama. I’d heard about them, about how they glare at Larry whenever they see him and park their monster truck in the yard and have impressive mullets. But last Friday I got to see them, and they did not disappoint.

We were on the porch having some adult beverages when the rednecks drove up. Apparently the monster truck is outfitted with a special clown car feature because about 18 rednecks piled out of the thing. They were locked out of the house, so one of them took off his tshirt and wrapped it around his fist and almost punched it through one of the front windows, but an older, wiser redneck advised him differently and they all went around to the back of the house.

Soon after this they decided to barbeque something, probably each other. The King of the Rednecks was in charge of firemaking. Let me take a moment to describe the King of the Rednecks: he has long, curly, white-blond hair. He wears a do-rag. Larry reports that when he takes his do-rag off, his head is shaved all the way until where the do-rag hits his head, making his one of the most extreme mullets ever created. Also: sometimes he puts a hat on over his do-rag.

Anyway, so the king was out there starting the charcoal, and that was so much fun he decided to start another fire. You know. On the lawn. He went out to the monster truck and got an empty, cardboard Dr. Pepper 12-pack container, squatted down, and set it on fire. This was met with shrieks of laughter from our party on the porch. Larry’s boss got his camera and took a few pictures. They were taken from sort of far away, so you can’t see all that well:

However, the best parts can be seen: barefoot, shirtless, waving redneck; fire; lock of white-blond mullet hair.

12 Responses to “Fire in the Hole.”

  1. larry ferrari said:

    He is the uberredneck with a ubermullet. They are from Greenbow, Alambama. Yeah, that’s right, the place where Forrest Gump was from. You have to love the South, if for nothing else, for the great characters.

    I need to find an online example of that mullet. It is awesome.

  2. gclark said:

    aw hell sally, quit giving those guys a hard time. they’re just having fun, and no one’s getting hurt.

  3. Greenbow Gary said:

    You forgot to point out mah sock tain on mah bahr feet! That’s from mah work boots…mmmmm hhmmmm.

  4. Frenchie said:

    I bet these guys know my redneck neighbors — the ones who were skeet shooting out the kitchen door of their duplex on Labor Day weekend. And, though they are supposedly the landscapers for all my landlord’s properties, it is they who have bonfires in the yard, park their trucks on the grass, etc. They sure do like fire.

    BTW, have not yet seen any bumpernuts in North MS, but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.

  5. beth said:

    Sometimes I wish I lived in the South.

  6. Polly said:

    DAMN! i better make sure you ain’t snoopin around with your cameras when i’m doing my yard fires.

  7. Prof. Fury said:

    Well, burning things *is* a lot of fun, you have to give them that. I think it would have been *more* rednecky for them to have burned a Mr. Pibb carton.

  8. sally said:

    Or Mountain Dew, nectar of the rednecks.

  9. KoE said:

    So classic. The uberredneck in the photo looks like Foo Fighters drummer Taylor Hawkins.

  10. nick said:

    As per Mr. Ferrari’s request, I believe I have a tenuous identification for the mullet in question. According to my research, there are two mullet subspecies to which this specimen may belong: 1) the skullet mullet, or 2) the halfmullet. In question is whether or not the hair on the head is balding, or simply shaved. More detailed observation would be helpful in producing a positive identification. Happy Mullet Hunting!
    Works Sited:

  11. larry ferrari said:

    We are getting closer, thank you nick. Here are some closer examples I have found. I don’t think we have a skullet, it is more halfmullet, but not quite there. I am waiting at my desk with a camera to better capture its power. It is a careful blend of these two.

  12. vendela said:

    maybe mullet man is just back from a stint in iraq. i had a student from iraq once who wrote down a recipe for something called “tin over fire.”

    i dug it out. here it is (verbatim):

    “tin over fire”

    4 peace goat leg

    dig a hole deeply. start fire coals and cardboards and papers. put in tin. put meats on tin. cover with another tin. check with towel on hand.

    the other kids said he liked to make this in the backyard of his duplex, and they said it was quite good.