Last night, gorjus took Larry and me to dinner–I tried to get him to take us somewhere cheap, but as he uttered the words I didn’t do anything for your wedding I decided it was perfectly ok for him to take us to an expensive dinner. Even though he was, you know, our minister.

So we went to Walker’s instead of Keifer’s. It was delicious, although it reached 800, maybe 900 degrees in there.

Early in the evening as we first started talking, we were stuck in some autism-esque conversation warp where we were unable to follow each other’s points:

Larry: So then, we decided that we needed to siphon the water out from under Colonel Cocksucker’s house.
(pause)
Sally: Oh! And then in the article, the killers say that they did it because he wouldn’t say that the picture of the white girl in his wallet wasn’t his girlfriend.
(pause)
gorjus: I’m going to Chicago for most of January for depositions!
(pause)
Sally: We are pathetic.

Colonel Cocksucker, by the way, is gorjus’s term for this, well, cocksucker client of Larry’s. I hate him. He calls at all hours of the day and demands that Larry immediately come to his renovation-in-progress and clear up any number of things–most of which, he claims at the beginning of each conversation, “have his wife in tears.” Another thing: he totally talks like Foghorn Leghorn.

Ah say, ah say, Mistah Fararah, mah waf is in te-yehs. Te-yehs, ah tell you, ovah this awful problem with the locks on the windows.

Once we actually started communicating like humans, we had a great time, although we had a ding-dong of a waittress who mispronounced a few words:

1. chip-o-la-tay
2. gow-da cheese

And she may have stolen Larry and gorjus’s wine.

To eat: goat cheese fritters (a little on the goaty side), portobello fries (delicious!); vegetarian plate for gorjus (assorted sides, including spicy cheese grits and truffle risotto), redfish with huge chunks of delicious, buttery, awe-inspiring crab meat on top for me (with garlic mashed potatoes and skinny beans), and the tuna steak for Larry, which he ordered very rare and was still moving on his plate.

Afterwards, Larry went back to work, gorjus decided to drive around and listen to U2 (his words), and I went home to watch some crappy television. It is a good thing that I did because I have a new favorite show!!

I tried to watch High School Reunion, which is awful in every way–not even a good kind of awful. The Fox and WB reality shows are interested in creating situations that support the following:

1. drunkenness
2. hooking up
3. embarrassment
4. humiliation
5. ruin

Basically, some people reunite 10 years after high school and live in a beach house for 2 weeks. They don’t randomly choose these chumps or anything–there’s the perfect cheerleader, her jock boyfriend, and the girl he cheated on her with; the basketball player with the psycho girlfriend; the fat girl who had gastric bypass surgery; etc. Five minutes into it the psycho girl was already threatening a girl who may or may not have flirted with her ex-boyfriend, who broke up with her TEN YEARS AGO.

So I switched over to Project Runway, and immediately fell in love. This show is much like America’s Next Top Model in that there are 12 wannabes (this time it is wannabe fashion designers) who compete in a series of challenges and one wins and one gets booted off each week. Unlike High School Reunion, there is a clear goal for this program: the winner receives $100,000 in startup money and a full spread of their designs in Elle magazine. And it is hosted by Heidi Klum.

There’s humiliation, but only because some of their designs bite it. So the episode that was on last night was the premiere episode, and on it the wannabes are taken to a grocery store and told that they have to come up with a design made from something they find there. Oh, hilarity and awesomeness ensued! My favorite guy, Austin, who is clearly channeling Andy Warhol, chose the ever-popular corn husk as the basis for his couture outfit. Another girl chose a vinyl lawn chair and some placemats, and some lamos picked ye old garbage bag and tinfoil route. Oh, and don’t forget candy. That was so stupid looking.

The dude that chose the garbage bag was totally bragging about how smart he was: it was so easy, I was done in 45 minutes with my design, blah blah blah. He was also dancing around the camera and annoying the shit out of everyone, including this guy. Anyway, in an unprecedented reality show moment, the most annoying person actually got booted off! By Heidi Klum! German accents sound so menacing.

There is another episode on tonight. Luckily, you can watch America’s Next Top Model at 7:00, then go on over to Bravo at 8:00 for Project Runway.