I DAR2DRM of More Challenging Things Than Upscale Barbeque. | Home | Hamzaflamin’!

25 Jun 2007

St. Elmo’s Nuggets.

Written by sally @ 1:31 pm — Section: Uncategorized

• First off, let me say that Larry is awesome and also an official architect! He got the word on Friday that he passed the last of the NINE tests he had to take for his licensure! Go Larry! (To top it off, on Saturday he ran a 5K for the first time — and came in third — while I was busy eating donuts. Woot!)

• I just learned that there is a periodical called Chain Store Age. Really.

• Boring eye-related saga:
1. Last year I bought new contacts and glasses.
2. I was happy about this, and recommended my optometrist to many.
3. The contacts were a little painful, but I ignored it because all hard contacts are painful.
4. Time passed.
5. My contacts still hurt.
6. Then I started getting headaches.
7. After I ruled out a brain tumor (always my go-to ailment), I decided it was my eyes.
8. I went to an opthalmologist, who said my new prescription was too strong and that my eyes WERE HAVING SPASMS.
9. Optha also said that she knew my Opto and that Opto would happily replace my contacts with some new, non-spasm-inducing kinds.
10. This was not true.
11.. Instead, Opto was like ,”Oh, ho ho, that’s funny. No. Come back in for all new everything, and we will happily charge you full price, even though I sold you spasmodic eyes!”
12. Then I cried.
13. I was already crying because my favorite employee is leaving me.
14. I called Larry and cried some more.
15. He called the Opto and tried to reason with her.
16. She repeated her kind offer to sell me new, full-price spasm-inducers. PLUS A NEW EYE EXAM BECAUSE SHE WILL NOT FILL ANOTHER PERSON’S PRESCRIPTION.
17. Whore.
18. Then Larry called Optha, who he’s friends with, and her office is saving the day by fitting me for contacts.
19. Thanks, Larry!
20. Moral of story: whores give you spasms.

• Ok, so this weekend I watched the first three episodes of Freaks and Geeks. People. Why hasn’t someone chained me to the couch and made me watch this before? It’s my middle school life! Were the tough stoner kids called freaks at your school? For everyone else I know, they were hoods or thugs or something, but at my school they were definitely called freaks. This might be the most awesome thing I have ever seen. I love that it’s set in 1980; I started middle school (and encountered freaks for the first time) in 1984, so the hairdos and clothes of these people are spot-on. (Sidenote: did the freaks at your school wear red bandannas tied around their thighs? If so, what did that mean? I heard it had something to do with drugs so whenever I saw a thigh bandanna I basically started crying and hid in the bathroom.)

• I have lost the ability to read a book. I’m pretty sure this happens every summer, but wow: I feel like I haven’t read a book in years. This is the 26th week of the year and I have managed to read a whopping 18 books so far. Reading a magazine is also out of the question; I have to take a nap after looking blankly at a few pages. Possible reasons:

–adult-onset illiteracy
–summer malaise
–television-inspired brain necrosis

14 Responses to “St. Elmo’s Nuggets.”

  1. Elizabeth said:

    Congrats to Larry. It is about time. How is it that you, the guru of all the TV that I love, have not seen the best show that only lasted a season? Shame. Enjoy the nostalgia. Also, a warning–watching Freaks and Geeks will make you remember the days of watching Dallas on Friday nights with your mom just like Bill.

  2. gorjus said:


  3. tlg said:

    Yes, indeed. As a matter of fact, my library subscribes to Chain Store Age.

  4. tlg said:

    Oh, and congrats to Larry for being official.

  5. craige said:

    There is a B2B periodical for just about everything you can think of. Once I applied for a job at one about convenience stores. I don’t remember its exact name, but I knew I had hit a new low when I was groveling for a job there. But I wasn’t hired, so I needn’t have worried!

  6. mix said:

    Yay to Larry for being so extremely qualified and heroic! Also, yay to television-inspired brain necrosis. Don’t you think that all of this heroism and necrosis could best be celebrated by some kind of party?

  7. neola said:

    i sincerely adhere to my claim that freaks & geeks is possibly the greatest single season of television. ever.

    i’m glad you’re finding that out. 🙂

  8. Professor Fury said:

    Congrats to Larry! And your eyes!

  9. corie said:

    congrats, larry! and sally i cannot believe that you had not seen freaks and geeks before. have you seen knocked up? because the entire cast is in the movie and they do a pretty good job being idiots there, too.

  10. Frenchie said:

    In 7th grade, I too was a mathlete. And then came Algebra, and geometry, and my crippling math anxiety that lasts to this day. F&G is an awesome show, and though Undeclared was not as good, it’s always fun to watch all of those actors in every new Judd Apatow project. Enjoy!

    ps — congrats to Larry!

  11. liz said:

    omg, we’re tv twins! I had the F&G urge recently and J and I have been watching them all again. I thought I might die watching Lindsay putting up posters for her party.

  12. Christy said:

    Prize to the first person to have twins and name them Optha and Opto!

  13. sally said:

    I just did a census search, and there are actually plenty of people in the U.S. named Optha and Opto!

  14. christy said:

    Dang it – there goes my original name idea.