I hardly ever remember to check my site stats, and when I do it’s usually because Gorjus has bragged about his, and then I check mine and weep silently. But this last time I checked them, the searches were awesome, and also will be the titles of my forthcoming volumes of poetry:

— steal shrimp lie about it (sound advice if I’ve ever heard it)
— bobby flay is a douche (true that — a ginger one at that)
— what to do with broken crockpots (give them to Mrs. Floon for her mashed potato bar!)
— the worst thing sally did (uh. I’m pretty sure I’ve not written about this)
— hilarious story about chili (I totally want to read a hilarious story about chili!)
— i love cheeseburgers (me too!)
— my brother is a liar (my own brother is actually incapable of lying. really)
— names for gray kittens (the specificity of this one is especially funny to me)

The most common search, overwhelmingly, was for Gary Soto’s poem “Oranges” (hi! you can read it here). I am overwhelmingly proud that the top search term is a poem and no longer a variation of “suri cruise port wine stain.” Second place is the lyric “I know your plans don’t include me” from the Bob Seger song “We’ve Got Tonight,” which I mentioned here. I feel sorry for all those people who end up at this site expecting a full explication of the song’s deep and important Christ imagery, and end up with a rundown of two-year-old reality television.