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27 Apr 2012

Oh, Good, a List.

Written by sally @ 12:42 pm — Section: sally

Spike and I went to my grandmother’s house a few weekends ago for a visit, and I’ve been meaning to tell you several things:

1. I drove on the Jerry Clower Highway.

2. A place on Jerry Clower Highway was selling baby pot-bellied pigs for $50.99. I almost called just to discuss this price point. That extra $.99 intrigues me.

3. Two things happened while talking to my grandmother and cousin that reinforced the awkwardness I usually feel around my family. I try hard to assimilate and talk about pot-bellied pigs, and then these things happen:

a. My cousin has a new(ish) baby. My grandmother said, “Look at his eyelashes! Wonder why boys always have the eyelashes?” and I said, “It’s the same reason male birds are the pretty ones, the ones with ornamentation; to attract females.” Crickets chirped. I continued: “You know, because women are the ones who are impressed with such things!” I stopped myself before I started quoting this song from “Hair”:
There is a peculiar notion that elegant plumage and fine feathers are not proper for the male
When actually
That is the way things are in most species.

b. My grandmother, whose father was a twin, said something about how my cousin Rusty would probably be the one to have twins. I dumbly started talking about eggs and sperm and how boys don’t ovulate. To my grandmother.

4. I also opened the medicine cabinet in the front bathroom, which was full of old man toiletries and medications. They were my grandfather’s, and apparently had not been touched since he died…eleven years ago.

5. Spike stepped on a bee! The bee stung him! It occurred to me as he howled that there is no easy way to discover if your child has a life-threatening bee sting allergy except to see if he stops breathing (thanks, A Taste of Blackberries, for making me PETRIFIED of bee stings as a kid!), but he kept screaming and thus did not die. (I gave him a Benadryl before bed anyway.)

6. I hung clothes on the clothesline for the first time ever. I did not hang this item out of principle:

7. Speaking of principle, I would like to thank Beverly Cleary for addressing the difference between principle and principal in one of the Ramona books. The principal is your PAL so that is how you spell that one. I think of it every time I spell those! (Including the one above.) (Obviously.)

8. Not grandmother’s house related: a few weeks ago I had a dream that Richard Lewis plotted to kill me, which reminded me “hey Richard Lewis exists” and also “I used to love that show Anything but Love” and so I got the first season on Netflix. While it is very 1989, Richard Lewis is a super fox. The hair. People, the hair. It is luscious. It is its own character. He tosses it, he strokes it, he preens it. I would let the hair kill me in a future dream. Best dream-about-getting-murdered-leading-me-to-remember-a-tv-show ever!

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