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8 Oct 2011

Kudzu, Eczema.

Written by sally @ 1:23 pm — Section: sally

Yesterday I went to the Delta to do a little research emporiuming, and as I saw the kudzu for the zillionth time and for the zillionth time it impressed me, I wondered how many undergraduates in creative writing classes in the south write poems about the kudzu, and decided that number has got to be around one hundred percent.

Other things I saw in the Delta: a snowball business for sale. Cotton ready to be picked, cotton that had just been picked, cotton rolled into big cotton haybale things.

I went in a cute store with wildly overpriced items including, and this killed me, wine stopper holders. Wine stoppers are a decorative item! And now you can buy a decorative item to hold your decorative items. For like, $15 each. I bought a Mississippi-shaped bookmark made out of copper for my mother, mostly so I could be near the store owners, who might’ve been acting extra southern for their customers’ benefit. They had giant hair, tons of makeup, and were complaining about how they don’t teach home ec anymore, so how does anyone know how to cut up a chicken? (They don’t. No one knows anymore! I took home ec in 8th grade and they didn’t let us use big knives. We got to make pizza and cookies, and instead of “spatula” our teacher insisted that we use the term “rubber scraper,” which cracked everyone up. In brief, it was awesome.)

As I paid for my overpriced bookmark, the owner said, “My god! You’ve got the most beautiful skin! It looks as soft as a baby’s butt.” (I deserve an award for not showing her all the areas of my body that are affected by eczema, which is my usual response to any compliment. Person: I like your pants! Me: Thanks! They have a hole in the crotch.) But anyway, I am fairly certain that when Yankees come into her shop and she says stuff like that, they are so charmed that they say, “Ma’am, do you have any wine stopper holders?”

One Response to “Kudzu, Eczema.”

  1. Liz said:

    My home ec teacher made us call it a “rubber scraper” too. It is actually still an ongoing joke in my family. Must have been a lesson they taught that generation of home ec teachers.