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20 Apr 2004

I Think I Made You Up Inside My Head.

Written by sally @ 8:17 am — Section: sally

Here is a shout out to my 17-year-old self. Starting in 10th grade, when I was 15, I had a mad crush on a boy I will call Crush. It finally went away and then I had a class with him in college and it started all over again. I even made a pillowcase for my body pillow with Crush’s senior picture ironed on to it. I still sleep with it. He is awfully faded now. Ted, my ex-husband, used to punch Crush in the face and say, “stupid Crush” with his teeth clenched before we went to sleep. Larry Ferrari hates him as well and tosses him on the floor whenever possible. Here is a poem that is good for people like me who have crushes for 15 years without any physical contact or encouragement from the person in question.

Mad Girl’s Love Song: A Villanelle
Sylvia Plath

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

21 Responses to “I Think I Made You Up Inside My Head.”

  1. gorjus said:

    WHOO HOO!! We all know who you’re talking about. In fact, I told Mame & Ms.Comrade that since you & Larry started dating, you’d ditched the pillow, for fear of jinxing true love.

    It appears I was a’wrong . . . ha!

  2. vendela said:

    i collected drinking straws used by my teenaged crushes–patric vermicelli, dick mobile, james trucker, et al. i would steal them from movie drinks, fast food lunches, etc. ok, this makes it sound like i went on dates with these guys; i didn’t. sadly, i was a tall, gangly-girl tag along in a pack of tiny little cheerleader-types. i would then tape the staws to sheets of construction paper with names and dates. when i moved to jackson, i finally threw them out in honor of mr. rarebell. but, upon going through an old box last week, i found a sheet of 5 straws. mr. rarebell would kill for these straws. not cuz he’s jealous but because he would like a good excuse to laugh his ass off. he will have to bid for them on ebay, like everyone else.

  3. Kicker of Elves said:

    I’ve never heard of this poem before. It’s rad, especially since it’s a hard-as-hell-to-write villanelle.

  4. Sally said:

    Yeah, here’s an explanation of how hard-as-hell a villanelle is:

  5. ms.comrade said:

    dick mobile? he sounds pretty awesome.

  6. vendela said:

    and sylvia plath was only a junior in college when she wrote this one. it was published in an issue of mademoiselle that she helped edit one month for an internship. that internship–and i believe mad girl’s love song–are both included in the first few chapters of the bell jar.

  7. Sally said:

    Yeah, that’s where I got it.

    I have this notebook where I wrote poems and quotations and things that people said (duh, I guess that’s a quotation)–I started writing in it when I was 14 or so. I dug it out this morning because I knew there’d be something good in it. I spared you some poem I cut out of the newspaper that was in an Ann Landers column. Chee-zee.

  8. vendela said:

    ms comrade,
    you would be wrong. he was, i believe, the prototype for mr. jordan catalano of my so called life fame. he was blonde and perfect, drove a convertable mustang, and was a first class dick.
    he’s the one responsible for the horrible line: “vendela, i really like you. i just don’t like any girl all the time.” puke. you’ll be happy to know he has been cut off from his family’s fortune and now works retail in an urban city on the coast. whhheeeee!!!!

  9. Ms.Comrade said:

    Yick. He reminds me of Damone.

    “Now, Vendela will have the linguini and white clam sauce,and a Coke with no ice.”

  10. vendela said:

    ms comrade,
    yes. dick mobile=damone with a prep school wardrobe and an affected boston accent…or james spader during the waters era.

  11. bulb said:

    Which raises the question whatever happened to
    Robert Romanus?

  12. herman rarebell said:

    speaking of dick mobile – a few months ago, i got behind this old hooptie with a bumper sticker proclaiming:

    “my other car is a big dick. wanna ride?”

  13. ms.comrade said:

    ha ha ha! i think “big” forces that sticker into a higher echelon of funny. his other car is a big dick… not just a dick.

  14. Mame said:

    gorj totally told us about that pillow, but I stole a jacket worn by Big Gray’s bandmate and contemplated sleeping with it so I can’t talk.

  15. jp! said:

    crimeny CROW woman! you should toss that lout off your pillow and move on!

  16. herman rarebell said:

    yeah, that sticker was so totally retarded on so many levels, that it became a work of brilliance.

  17. Sally said:

    Aw, you can’t even see Derek’s face anymore. He has faded into obscurity…except in my heart.

    I also made a t-shirt, but it got pitstained so it’s no good.

  18. Larry Ferrari said:

    I never tossed Mr. Tortellini to the floor. I might have wiped my nose on his pillowcase, but I never tossed him to the floor. I actually find Mr. Tortellini very useful in propping my feet up while lounging in bed.

    One day I hope I can be loved as much as that damn pillow.

  19. Sally said:

    Poor Larry. One day, maybe, one day.

  20. jp! said:

    i want more occulass! you should contribute a work story for Gorj. he sometimes needs a muse!

  21. Larry Ferrari said:

    jp!, I am more than a little worried about your unhealthy infatuation with Oculass. Do you need an Oculass pillow?