20 Apr 2004
I Think I Made You Up Inside My Head.
Here is a shout out to my 17-year-old self. Starting in 10th grade, when I was 15, I had a mad crush on a boy I will call Crush. It finally went away and then I had a class with him in college and it started all over again. I even made a pillowcase for my body pillow with Crush’s senior picture ironed on to it. I still sleep with it. He is awfully faded now. Ted, my ex-husband, used to punch Crush in the face and say, “stupid Crush” with his teeth clenched before we went to sleep. Larry Ferrari hates him as well and tosses him on the floor whenever possible. Here is a poem that is good for people like me who have crushes for 15 years without any physical contact or encouragement from the person in question.
Mad Girl’s Love Song: A Villanelle
Sylvia Plath
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell’s fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan’s men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you’d return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
April 20th, 2004 at 8:25 am
WHOO HOO!! We all know who you’re talking about. In fact, I told Mame & Ms.Comrade that since you & Larry started dating, you’d ditched the pillow, for fear of jinxing true love.
It appears I was a’wrong . . . ha!
April 20th, 2004 at 9:11 am
i collected drinking straws used by my teenaged crushes–patric vermicelli, dick mobile, james trucker, et al. i would steal them from movie drinks, fast food lunches, etc. ok, this makes it sound like i went on dates with these guys; i didn’t. sadly, i was a tall, gangly-girl tag along in a pack of tiny little cheerleader-types. i would then tape the staws to sheets of construction paper with names and dates. when i moved to jackson, i finally threw them out in honor of mr. rarebell. but, upon going through an old box last week, i found a sheet of 5 straws. mr. rarebell would kill for these straws. not cuz he’s jealous but because he would like a good excuse to laugh his ass off. he will have to bid for them on ebay, like everyone else.
April 20th, 2004 at 9:59 am
I’ve never heard of this poem before. It’s rad, especially since it’s a hard-as-hell-to-write villanelle.
April 20th, 2004 at 10:09 am
Yeah, here’s an explanation of how hard-as-hell a villanelle is:
http://members.optushome.com.au/kazoom/poetry/villanelle.html
April 20th, 2004 at 10:14 am
dick mobile? he sounds pretty awesome.
April 20th, 2004 at 10:17 am
and sylvia plath was only a junior in college when she wrote this one. it was published in an issue of mademoiselle that she helped edit one month for an internship. that internship–and i believe mad girl’s love song–are both included in the first few chapters of the bell jar.
April 20th, 2004 at 10:21 am
Yeah, that’s where I got it.
I have this notebook where I wrote poems and quotations and things that people said (duh, I guess that’s a quotation)–I started writing in it when I was 14 or so. I dug it out this morning because I knew there’d be something good in it. I spared you some poem I cut out of the newspaper that was in an Ann Landers column. Chee-zee.
April 20th, 2004 at 10:21 am
ms comrade,
you would be wrong. he was, i believe, the prototype for mr. jordan catalano of my so called life fame. he was blonde and perfect, drove a convertable mustang, and was a first class dick.
he’s the one responsible for the horrible line: “vendela, i really like you. i just don’t like any girl all the time.” puke. you’ll be happy to know he has been cut off from his family’s fortune and now works retail in an urban city on the coast. whhheeeee!!!!
April 20th, 2004 at 11:21 am
Yick. He reminds me of Damone.
“Now, Vendela will have the linguini and white clam sauce,and a Coke with no ice.”
April 20th, 2004 at 11:40 am
ms comrade,
yes. dick mobile=damone with a prep school wardrobe and an affected boston accent…or james spader during the waters era.
April 20th, 2004 at 12:02 pm
Which raises the question whatever happened to
Robert Romanus?
April 20th, 2004 at 12:02 pm
speaking of dick mobile – a few months ago, i got behind this old hooptie with a bumper sticker proclaiming:
“my other car is a big dick. wanna ride?”
April 20th, 2004 at 12:31 pm
ha ha ha! i think “big” forces that sticker into a higher echelon of funny. his other car is a big dick… not just a dick.
April 20th, 2004 at 2:19 pm
gorj totally told us about that pillow, but I stole a jacket worn by Big Gray’s bandmate and contemplated sleeping with it so I can’t talk.
April 20th, 2004 at 2:37 pm
crimeny CROW woman! you should toss that lout off your pillow and move on!
April 20th, 2004 at 2:39 pm
yeah, that sticker was so totally retarded on so many levels, that it became a work of brilliance.
April 20th, 2004 at 2:43 pm
Aw, you can’t even see Derek’s face anymore. He has faded into obscurity…except in my heart.
I also made a t-shirt, but it got pitstained so it’s no good.
April 20th, 2004 at 3:02 pm
I never tossed Mr. Tortellini to the floor. I might have wiped my nose on his pillowcase, but I never tossed him to the floor. I actually find Mr. Tortellini very useful in propping my feet up while lounging in bed.
One day I hope I can be loved as much as that damn pillow.
April 20th, 2004 at 3:36 pm
Poor Larry. One day, maybe, one day.
April 21st, 2004 at 12:46 am
i want more occulass! you should contribute a work story for Gorj. he sometimes needs a muse!
April 21st, 2004 at 8:11 am
jp!, I am more than a little worried about your unhealthy infatuation with Oculass. Do you need an Oculass pillow?