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11 Jan 2011

Heed the “All Hideous” Warning Next Time.

Written by sally @ 3:39 pm — Section: sally

Yesterday I was busy ignoring my child from a far-away room when I heard a horrible, horrible sound: the sound of lots of stuff falling from a high spot. I ran into the living room, where Spike was staring, mouth agape, at a Busytown dvd, and one of the cats was hanging out by his side. No one seemed alarmed. I asked him what the noise was and he didn’t know. I asked the cat; no response. I walked around the house looking for death and destruction but found nothing. Weeyid.

Later, I found it: the top shelf of my closet is chock full of plastic tubs full of photos, letters, and tiny pieces of paper that used to be important. Four of these tubs jumped to their deaths and broke, meaning there was just a big ole pile of shit all over the floor. The tubs were not perched precariously on the precipice (ok, I said “precipice” on alliterative purpose). They’ve been sitting there for years! I have no idea why they jumped. We did have a bit of ice a few days ago, but I can’t imagine that a chunk of ice/tree branch falling on the house could jostle it in such a way to shove those off the shelf. I have decided it was a ghost.

A sentimental asshole of a ghost, that is. Said ghost wanted me to look through photos of my babyhood and childhood and Starkville symposiums and my first wedding. In a bundle of photos from the year I spent locked in that blessed union in St. Louis, at least 75% of the photos are of my cat. I appear in one, but that is because the cat has all four of his paws on my face.

I spent little time actually examining these photos and more time quickly sorting them into pile eras so that next time they all fall on the floor I can get even madder and say “And they were all organized, too!”

I decided I didn’t need to keep the ten million photo center envelopes and just pulled out all the photos. All the negatives got jammed in one envelope that no one will ever need again, ever. I did keep a few sets of photos in their original sleeves because I didn’t want them mingling.

In a set marked “All hideous — Frank and me camping,” I should have known that it was going to be bad. I thought “I am camping, therefore I am unwashed, and thus hideous” but I should have indicated what flavor hideous. I flipped through and found the unwashed evidence, which was hideous enough, but then I saw the one that must’ve turned my stomach 15 years ago when I got the film developed.

Frank and I are standing on top of a mountain. I have turned on the timer on my camera. We are hugging, only I am the only one doing the hugging. Frank has his hands on my shoulders and is pushing me away. I apparently do not realize this because I am smiling really, really big. I was right: that is hideous. It’s a pose that represents our whole relationship. Me: I like you! Him: Ehhhhhh.

The other photos of Frank and me are really no better, but they are less embarrassing. There is one of us at a wedding; I am smiling and look normal and he is flaring his nostrils for intended comic effect. Sigh.

However, the whole photos crashing to the floor forcing me to revisit unpleasant photo memories and sort a bunch of tiny pieces of paper experience wasn’t all terrible. This morning, I found a bunch of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse trading cards in my boot!

One Response to “Heed the “All Hideous” Warning Next Time.”

  1. Mix said:

    Pee-Wee trading cards? Your closets are full of my dreams!