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18 Dec 2006

Happy Birthday, JBC.

Written by sally @ 11:01 am — Section: sally

Yesterday was my friend J. Bubba Cots’s birthday. Sometimes he is e, but to me he is J. Bubba Cots, because that is the name I gave him.

In the long catoptric/ohreally/prettyfakes birthday tradition of telling a story about the birthday person, here is mine about JBC.

A few years ago a bunch of us went to see The Real Old Testament, and after the movie Damien Rice was playing at the same venue. J. Bubba Cots, drunk, was going to the Damien Rice show and really wanted to buy a Damien Rice t-shirt, but had no cash. He considered leaving the bar, driving to an ATM, but being drunk, decided that would be too much trouble for a Damien Rice t-shirt. So he stood around and whined about not having any cash, and I taunted him with the fact that while I was extremely poor at the time and was teaching 5 classes at two different universities an hour apart, I actually had a nice crisp $20 bill in my wallet, and because JBC was a little on the rich side and also a lot on the drunk side, he offered me this proposal:

If I gave him my nice crisp $20 bill, he would give me his credit card, with which I could spend $75.

Deal.

The thing is, JBC underestimated me. He thought that I was going to go to the mall and attempt to use his credit card, and since my name is neither J. nor Bubba nor Cots I would be denied. And maybe arrested. Oh no, my friends, I just bought myself a couple of books on Amazon, and then I went to the TJ Maxx website and ordered myself a gift card with the rest of the money. And then I went to TJ Maxx, and bought myself things at my leisure, and when JBC’s girlfriend said, oh, that’s a cute wallet, I said, oh thanks, your boyfriend bought it for me. And then steam came out of her ears. Ha ha!

So anyway, that is my humiliating birthday story about my friend J. Bubba Cots and how he bought a $75 Damien Rice t-shirt. Happy birthday, sir! I hope you’re wearing that t-shirt today. You paid for it. Oh, did you pay for it.

9 Responses to “Happy Birthday, JBC.”

  1. JBC / e* / Freddie F*ing Mercury said:

    Thanks Sally. What a fine epitaph that would make: J. Bubba Cots: philanthropist, Irish folk-music devotee, chump.

    Mostly just a chump, though.

  2. sally said:

    Aw, well, being a rich chump isn’t that bad.

  3. gorjus said:

    I think it’s sweet! Then again, I have a long tradition of absolutely losing my mind and spending too much money on random concert merchandise.

    Man, I bet wearing a Damien Rice t-shirt totally gets yr ass beat.

  4. Cat said:

    Yeah. The Hold Steady “Hoodrat Hoodie” is ample evidence of that gorjus. Happy B-day to JBC!

  5. JBC said:

    Even emo kids think they can take you when you’re wearing your $75 Damien Rice t-shirt.

  6. down under said:

    I have tuned my friends here in Australia to the Oh Really and they had come to believe that Mississippi was a very cool place. A place filled with strange interesting eccentric people until they saw that someone actually wanted a Damien Rice t-shirt. Now they just think and I quote, “It must be all the inbreeding.”

  7. sally said:

    Oh, but JBC is from Alabama. And really: is it THAT embarrassing to have a Damien Rice t-shirt? I myself have a Jackson Browne t-shirt. Uh. And a Lyle Lovett t-shirt. And it is possible that at one time I was the proud owner of a Billy Joel t-shirt.

  8. JBC said:

    I will start taking shit from Mississippians and Aussies when hell freezes over.
    Audemus jura nostra defendere

  9. gorjus said:

    Haw haw! Your right to a $75 t-shirt from Mr. Saddy.

    More seriously, happy birthday, and good luck cyclocrossing, or . . . you know, running around with your bicycle, whatever it is your rich folks do.