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19 Dec 2011

Fried Chicken Chronicles.

Written by sally @ 3:29 pm — Section: sally


In line for the plate lunch at the grocery store:
Woman in front of me, loudly: Don’t you just LOVE their fried chicken?
Me, normally: I do. It’s the best.
Woman, loudly: My husband just adores it. He was raised by a black maid, you know, and says it reminds him of her.
Me: (examines fingernails)


I know someone who does impressions. He thinks he’s really good at it — “I’m really good at impressions,” he says — but all he does is talk in various dialects. If he’s doing an impression of any black person in the universe, it’s standard black dialect (no matter what kind of dialect the person may or may not have). Personally, even if you are just the best black person dialect impressioner, I think you should just shut your mouth. Hone your talent in your home if you must, perform to your audience of one in the bathroom mirror, but please just do not release that into the air, the precious air that the rest of us must breathe.

So the other day this person was talking trash about a lady we know — and look, she is annoying, I was joining in and all — until he said something like “Oh and I bet after that she was like, “‘Where de fried chicken?'” Cue the record scratch sound that is now as outdated as TALKING ABOUT HOW BLACK PEOPLE LIKE FRIED CHICKEN. “Oh, that wasn’t necessary. That’s actually racist,” I said. “No it’s not,” he protested. “Look, you don’t know how it is! Every single day my next door neighbor brings home a box from Popeye’s!”

I can’t tell you how depressing it is to be around someone whose master defense of why he made one black person talk about fried chicken is that this OTHER black person likes fried chicken. I unbuckled my invisible seat belt, got out of the invisible car we were riding in, and drew a line through his name in my head.

2 Responses to “Fried Chicken Chronicles.”

  1. poobou said:

    I hope you glared at him and said, “Yep. Still racist.”

  2. Walter Biggins said:

    Wow. Just… wow. My dad, certified black person (as am I), fucking HATES fried chicken, and can’t even stand the smell of it when I bring over Popeye’s.

    Still, the impressions bit isn’t too far removed from how every black standup comic imitates white people using the same ultra-nerdy voice.