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11 Jul 2011

Cookies and Camels.

Written by sally @ 2:26 pm — Section: sally

A few years ago at my baby shower, my friend Ann made some adorable onesie-shaped cookies, elaborately and gorgeously iced. While I knew I wouldn’t get into any elaborate/gorgeous territory, I was excited to make these for a baby shower last weekend.

Except…Ann apparently made sure her cookie dough was exactly 1/4″ thick, whereas I didn’t, and so of the 36 cookies I made, I had 4 cute onesie shapes and 32 other things. Because the dough was thicker in places, those cookies spread out more. I thought maybe when I iced them (simply! not elaborately!) they would be ok, and maybe I would arrange them so that the cute ones were on top. So I made some pink icing, the good shiny cookie kind that dries and gets crunchy, and I started slathering it on, and it wasn’t going well. The icing actually made the cookies look less like onesies and more like…an army of misshapen uteruses. Perhaps it was just that there were so many of them with their little arms/fallopian tubes, but the more I iced, the more they looked like an appropriate refreshment for like, a bachelorette party/baby shower combo. Penis straws and uterine cookies for all!

I ended up making some lemon/blueberry tarts, and no one said, “Hey, these look like a reproductive organ!” and all was well.

I feel it necessary to confess that yesterday I watched Sex & the City 2. There are some things you should know: first, it took much longer than expected for me to truly hate the movie. It was not when Liza Minnelli performed Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” at a wedding. It was not when Samantha was applying magical creams to her parts on the advice of Suzanne Somers. I knew things would go downhill when they went to Abu Dhabi, but I did not expect the girls to do karaoke to “I Am Woman” and to do so happily, as if they knew all the words already. There was a lot of “omg isn’t it crazy that these ladies gotta wear burkhas omg how do they eat their fries” but then Samantha retaliates from this oppressive culture THAT IS NOT HER OWN by showing everyone her boobs. There was a character named Dick Spirt. Samantha bones him. Carrie wears a ball gown to lunch in the desert. Charlotte falls off a camel and gets camel toe and everyone’s all “ha ha camel toe.” I have a feeling that part was in the pitch meeting: “something happens, the girls are somewhere, Charlotte gets camel toe, everyone wears funny clothes, a lady in a burkha eats fries.” SOLD! There is also an extremely silly megaserious plot turn where Carrie kisses an old boyfriend she runs into in Abu Dhabi and then she flips out and tells Mr. Big and he acts like she has cut off someone’s head and everyone cries and it is all very stupid. Larry came in the room and I announced that if I ever found myself in Abu Dhabi and randomly ran into an old boyfriend, I would most definitely kiss him and not feel bad about it, as if you run into an old boyfriend buying a rug in a market in Abu Dhabi, the universe is most definitely trying to tell you something, which is probably “remember how this guy kisses weird?”

I guess my main concern with the movie was that Sarah Jessica Parker thought people were going to like it. “But it has camel toe!” I can hear her weeping into the tweed coat of Matthew Broderick. He pats her back and checks his watch for the time.

2 Responses to “Cookies and Camels.”

  1. poobou said:

    “Remember how this guy kisses weird?” OMG yes. He’s your ex for a reason, CARRIE. You cheated on him with the guy who’s now your husband. Dumbass.

    Also: your last paragraph is perfect.

  2. Mix said:

    I’m still sad that I didn’t get to taste a uterus cookie! Also, you forgot to mention how super-awesome the blueberry lemon tarts were.