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18 Apr 2011

Bad Things.

Written by sally @ 11:55 am — Section: sally

I could write a proper narrative of what happened Sunday, but it would take too long, and you’d all get bored and die off, one by one, leaving no one reading the impossibly long narrative, which would kind of be silly, although there would be that whole if everyone dies while reading a boring blog post in a forest, does it still exist? thing about it, but anyway, I will just make a list.

1. I don’t like taking Spike to the grocery store because he cuts up.
2. But I had to take him because Larry was working on the yard.
3. We went to Kroger, which had no power.
4. Only the registers and some emergency lights were on.
5. They were open, but the security guard said, “We’re not sure how much longer the registers will be on, but go ahead,” which caused my sweat moustache to sprout.
6. Spike and I raced through the produce department, putting our faces close to the grapes and pears to see them.
7. We chose a new sugary teeth-rotting cereal, a store brand with an octopus on the box.
8. We sped through the hotdog and bacon area, which was darker than the rest of the store. Everyone stood impossibly close to the weiners, squinting, reading packages.
9. I gave up on selecting some cupcake liners because I couldn’t tell what color they were and WHAT IF THE REGISTERS LOST POWER WHILE I WAS STANDING THERE?
10. We made it to the registers!
11. While unloading the buggy, I ran over my toe with it. For a moment the buggy was just sitting on my toe before I could figure out what to do.
12. It hurt a lot. Like, a lot lot.
13. Spike wanted some M&Ms, which I let him have because he was on super-good behavior the whole time. Apparently the key is fretting over something else while in the store AND running over my toe.
14. We got home.
15. Spike ate most of the M&Ms, then ran around the yard screaming.
16. After lunch, which consisted mostly of potato chips, Spike said, “My tummy hurts.”
17. Then bad things happened to his behind. Said bad things went down his legs and pooled on the floor.
18. After I gave Spike a bath, I returned to the scene of the bad things to clean up. Someone had walked through it.
19. It was Lulu.
20. I cleaned up the trail of footprints until they disappeared, then scrubbed the rug and mopped the house.
21. Later, I saw Lulu. I went to pat her, then stopped.
22. APPARENTLY SHE HAD AN ITCH AND SCRATCHED IT WITH THE FOOT SHE STEPPED IN THE BAD THINGS WITH.
23. Lulu got a bath.

Fin

2 Responses to “Bad Things.”

  1. poobou said:

    OMG. This entry made me *grateful* for my child’s chronic constipation. So… well done there, I guess.

  2. ap said:

    Speechless