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4 May 2006

My All-Time Favorite Things: May.

Written by sally @ 3:42 pm — Section:

1. Song: America” by Simon and Garfunkel.

2. TV Show: Northern Exposure. I may have mentioned before my crush on Fleischman, oh, Fleischman, but it is really the sense of a small, colorful community that I really love about this show. That, and certain episodes tie in with Gabriel Garcia-Marquez stories really, really well. Second place favorite tv show of all time goes to Roseanne. Gross! I know!

3. Donut flavor: Unglazed with chocolate frosting. I had to point out the “unglazed” part because Krispy Kreme has ruined everything for me by putting chocolate frosting on top of an already-glazed donut, which is gross.

4. Poem:Liar” by Charlie Smith. “Listen, / I came downstairs this morning /
and somebody had filled the house with flowers.”

5. Unsubstantiated rumor that is so totally made up: That this guy I know was such a Smiths fan he kept a picture of Morrissey in his underwear. I LOVE THIS RUMOR.

6. Day of the week: What a boring category! My favorite day of the week is Friday because of all the potential the weekend holds. I also don’t mind Wednesday, since it’s a good for signalling how long you have to do all the stuff you told yourself you’d do that week. Sundays are cursed with the taint of long-ago homework and impending doom, although for a good run there getting to watch Six Feet Under helped things. Now, Sunday, you’re dead to me.

7. Place to Vomit: Mix’s brand-new car. Apparently I have very good aim and she was only required to clean up a little spittle Sunday morning. I am lying, though, when I say it was my favorite place to vomit. I prefer vomiting wherever Mrs. Floon is, for she has cleaned up a whole heck of a lot of my vomit and has done so cheerily, once even expressing gratitude that she was able to test the various functionality of the Lee Press-On nails she was wearing as she fished vomit pieces out of someone’s sink while I laid on the floor sucking on a wet washrag and crying. These Lee Press-On nails are great! I’m not even physically touching your vomit! etc.

8. Movie: I can’t decide on one, so here are the top three — my sole criterion is “movies I could watch over and over again forever without getting bored even if these were the only movies I could ever watch again, amen.” Anyway: The Philadelphia Story, Roman Holiday, and Moonstruck. And Chinatown. And Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The end. I forgot Annie Hall and The Royal Tenenbaums.

9. Writing instrument: I enjoy a felt-tip pen of any width (even big fat ones, although super fine are great, too) because I like the squeak-squeak they make when you write (it’s actually more of a wonk-wonk), and I like a Papermate Sharpwriter pencil.

10. Beatles album: Abbey Road. Hands down, no questions asked, goodnight. I love that side 2 is just one big song, and runs the gamut from pretty to weird to sad to awesome back to pretty again. Can you tell I was one of those people who put up Beatles posters in her dorm room? At least I didn’t wear the little John Lennon glasses.

11. Lunch: A perfect lunch should be filling but not overfilling, which leads to food narcolepsy. My perfect lunch consists of a chicken salad sandwich — the chicken salad is made without pickles or relish — on a croissant with non-iceburg lettuce, a tomato, and an entire sliced avocado. Chips on the side, please. And sweet tea.

12. Pastry: Blueberry brioche from Bottletree Bakery in Oxford, Mississippi. The first time I ate one I was so entranced that I wandered about, repeating the magical word “brioche,” and decided that it would be a beautiful name for a child.

13. Smiths album: Meat is Murder, and this is why: it deals with adolescent themes, is jangly, it has disparate and interesting plot lines in the various songs and yet most of them are fairly upbeat musically, has many songs about unrequited love (my favorite subject ever), and has “Rusholme Ruffians” on it, which contains this, one of the most perfect lines ever written: “Scratch my name on your arm with a fountain pen / This means you really love me.”

14. Non-alcoholic beverage: This is a no-brainer, since I often sit and stare lovingly at the empty Coke cans littering my office, write poems about the empty Coke cans, and read said poems about the empty Coke cans at open mic nights. So yes: I love Coke. Pepsi will do, but Coke is it, Coke is it! The most refreshing way / to make the most of every day!

15. Alcoholic beverage: I really love Mrs. Floon’s bourbon margaritas, but I am not allowed to drink them anymore, as I have developed another alcohol allergy: anything brown ain’t staying down. (I’m already allergic to wine.) My favorite alcoholic beverages are the creamy margaritas at Cinqo de Mayo, pints of Bass Ale, and beers in large cans if I’ve already been drinking a lot and do not notice I am drinking out of large cans.

16. Magazine: The New Yorker, although I also enjoy Real Simple, Martha Stewart Living, and Smithsonian. And Us Weekly. And Marie Claire, sometimes. Confession: I used to subscribe to Stickers magazine. It was about stickers. A WHOLE MAGAZINE DEVOTED TO STICKERS.

17. Concert: Duh, Morrissey in 1991! I had front row tickets! Yes, I’m bragging! Heidi was the first person to touch Morrissey at this concert; right after the hallowed touching, girls ran up to Heidi crying saying, you are so lucky. I am not making this up. Later, we all got our fair share of Morrissey touching action (I stuck my hand up his pants leg). Confession: when he first came on stage, Heidi and I both cried. If you watch the Morrissey: Live in Dallas video, you will see Heidi’s whole head, but only my thumb. Concert runners-up: Wilco in St. Louis in 2001 (a perfect, grown-up, sit-down concert, in which they played ALL of my favorite songs); Billy Joel in 1984 (my first concert!); Guided by Voices in Tuscaloosa in 2002 (if only because Vendela made out a member of the band afterwards as the rest of us pointed and laughed).

18. Blog: The first blog I ever read with any regularity was Catoptric, where I lurked for awhile, then commented as “Sally” once, and then was outed by gclark (I didn’t know about IPs and WhoIs), and then a few months later I joined Catoptric, and it was great. I loved being part of a communal blog — there wasn’t any pressure to write with any regularity because someone else usually posted something, but there was also the pressure of writing something that represented everyone, which probably made us all write better than we do on our own. And then Catoptric broke up, and Pretty Fakes was born, and then Catoptric broke up again, and theohreally was born, and Glam Menagerie, and now I think we are all solidly in our own grooves, although sometimes I pine for the olden days. Anyway: besides the olden days of Catoptric, the blogs I read every day (with feverish refreshing) are: Liz is Working, City Crab, Pretty Fakes, and Callalillie. I read lots of others — more than that are on my link list — every day as well. The refreshing just isn’t as feverish, that’s all.

19. Class: My favorite class of all time was Art Appreciation for Non-Art Majors. I went around telling people I was going to major in Art Appreciation for Non-Art Majors I loved it so much. Slides, glorious slides, tidbits about artists and technique, etc. Second favorite class: Advanced Reading in high school. An elective for honors kids, all we did was read and do crossword puzzles and worksheets about etymology and old-school book reports and talk about themes and symbols and ohmygod I’m salivating just thinking of it.

20. Curse word: Asshole. First runner up: douchebag. Second runner up: fucking, but only as an adjective. The use of “fucking” as a verb is strictly prohibited.

21. Smiths song: The Hatful of Hollow version of “Still Ill.” And “Rusholme Ruffians.”

22. Actor: I am fond of Cary Grant, especially as C.K. Dexter Haven in The Philadelphia Story, Gregory Peck, especially as Joe Bradley in Roman Holiday, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie with Kate Winslet in which I didn’t drive home afterward thinking, I totally wish I were Kate Winslet.

23. Book: I generally go with Love in the Time of Cholera when I am asked this question (which is often, due to my profession), but I am also very fond of Song of Solomon, The House of Mirth, and The Heaven of Mercury. More about these books in next month’s list, which is devoted to my favorite books. Oh, how I love a medium that is devoted exclusively to me.

24. Fruit and vegetable: As far a traditional fruits go, my favorite is the blueberry, I guess, although I eat tons of bananas. Non-traditional fruit: the lovely, buttery, velvety avocado. Vegetable: the white potato, asparagus, and cabbage.

25. Restaurant: I love Amerigo here in Jackson; I love Taco Bueno in Texas; I love a greasy pit called Pat’s in St. Louis; I love 15th Street Diner in Tuscaloosa; I love Anthony’s in West Point.

26. Superstition: I am very fond of superstitions, as a rule, and have several personal, made-up superstitions that have come from various books and movies (damn you, soft brain, for being so easily influenced!). I have access to a couple of superstition reference books, and there is no way I can choose a favorite — instead, here is my favorite today: if your child is a persistent bed-wetter, take him/her to a cemetery and have him/her pee on the grave of a child of the opposite sex. Ok, ok, this one is rad, too: to cure the flu, boil an egg in the pee of the sick before it gets cold; prick holes all over the egg shell; bury in an anthill. O GOD WHY WAS I BORN IN THIS CENTURY.

27. Celebrity: I’ll say it: I love Gwen Stefani.

28. Form of punctuation: Semicolon, hands down! It is exquisite; the very sight of it makes my heart leap.

29. Store: Duh, T.J. Maxx. I wish I could say that my favorite store was Anthropologie, but I have purchased so few things there — and those were on the super-clearance rack — that it would seem false. Although I have purchased several Anthropologie items at T.J. Maxx. This category is stupid.

30. Dream: I should’ve consulted my dream journal before writing this, but the one that comes to mind is one in which Madonna, David Schwimmer, and a squirrel named “Nirwa” were involved.

31. Daydream: That I am offered a fabulous, high-paying, up-until-now never-heard-of job wherein I am paid to watch television, eat cream cheese-based pastries, doodle on clean pads of paper with brand-new felt-tip pens, and write hilarious, perfect pieces that require zero editing. The only realistic part of this job is that it is in New York.

12 Responses to “My All-Time Favorite Things: May.”

  1. bulb said:

    O’connell Maggie O’connell; she of the closely cropped hair, the fine Ft. Worth accent (funny how they never explained that given her supposed Grosse Pointe background), and the lovely facal birthmark in contrast to say the icky mole atop Cindy Crawford’s mug (positively Swiftian that one)!

  2. lisa said:

    I loved Northern Exposure too. The romance between Holling and Shelley was so funny and I had the biggest crush on the dj, Chris. He seemed like the perfect guy at the time: smart, sensitive, long hair. It was ruined when he appeared as that awful new age guy in that terrible movie “Serendipity.”
    I used to have a mole on my face that I hated and while Maggie was on this show I felt a little less “haggish”

  3. bulb said:

    Not to mention as the love interest in My Big Fat Greek Wedding and now as a singer/songwriter.

  4. KoE said:

    OK, here are a few:

    2. TV Show: The Young Ones
    3. Donut Flavor: chocolate glazed
    7. Flower: Bird of Paradise
    8. Movie: Jaws
    20. Book: One Hundred Years of Solitude (Marquez again!)
    21. Smiths song: “Shoplifters of the World Unite”
    25. Restaurant: The Cheesecake Factory
    28. Form of Punctuation: the semicolon

    And you should love this one…

    30. Dream: My senior year in college, I had a dream wherein for some reason I woke up panic-stricken with the knowledge that someone was coming over to my apartment. Because I was, um, unclothed, I wisely decided to put something on, except that that something was my winter coat, upside down, so that my feet went through the neckhole, the zipper started at my feet and came up to my navel, and the arms kind of stayed out to the sides and back in a windblown Jesus-Christ pose. I looked out the window, and who should be coming to visit but an as-yet-unmarried Ms. Floon and an old mutual friend of ours I’ll call King John. They were coming up my sidewalk, so I went out to greet them, but by the time I got to the balcony, they were nowhere to be seen. Calling their names – “Ms. Floon! King John!” – I went down and found them underneath the stairs fiddling with something on the wall. When I called their names again, they looked over their shoulders with anxiety and irritation, sort of an “oh shit, it’s him” look, and then promptly went back to fiddling, which I eventually figured out was their attempt to shut off the electricity to my apartment (note: the circuit breaker box was not really under the stairs). At this point I became exasperated and said, “What in the hell are you two doing?” They looked at me again, and then I woke up.

  5. bulb said:

    1. Song: “(White Man) In Hamemrsmith Palais” by The Clash.
    2. TV Show: New School: 24
    In Between School: Yes, Minister
    Old School: The Carol Burnett Show, don’t ask it’s a childhood thing
    8. Movie: “Sullivan’s Travels”
    9. Sound: A silver bullet martini shakler full of ice, a touch of Noilly pratt Vermouth, a smidgen of Olive Juice and a whole lotta tanqueray No. 10 doing the samba beat
    16. Magazine: The Times Literary Supplement
    17. Website: Salon.com
    18. Blog: blissblog by simon reynolds
    21. Smiths song: “I Know It’s Over”
    22. Actor: Cary Grant (is there any other choice really?)
    24. Vegetable: the mighty mighty carrot
    25. Restaurant: 3 -way tie: Chez Panisse (Berkeley, CA), Auberge de l’Ill (Illhaeusern France), Sonny’s BBQ (Starkville, MS)
    28. Form of punctuation: em dash
    29. Store: Foyle’s on Charing Cross Road (London) especially now that they also hosue Ray’s Jazz Shop

  6. beth said:

    Did you know that Mark from Roseanne died of a heroin overdose? Sigh.

  7. mix said:

    Yay! The car made it onto your list! I thnk that you’re also my car’s favorite person to be vomited on by.

    And I love the felt tip pens, but you’re right about the Papermate pencils. OH those pencils just make paperwork so much fun.

  8. Lucy said:

    Mmmmmmmm. 15th Street Diner. Home of the best creamed corn in the universe.

  9. Mrs. Floon said:

    OK, this is my first time ever to post to any blog. Well, that’s not true. I posted to my work’s blog, but that doesn’t count. Anyway, I visit this one all the time and love reading all the smart, witty things everyone has to say. And I feel totally inferior and stupid and thus don’t post anything. But this is the type of thing I can’t resist. As Sally has pointed out, everyone loves questionnaires like these because, hey, who DOESN’T love talking about herself?!

    1. Song: “Debaser” by the Pixies. It’s just so fun, so jingly, so cool. It’s also the ringtone I wake up to every morning. First runner-up: “My Name is Jonas” by Weezer (a name Mr. Floon and I have decided to use in reference to our boys’ privates—Weezer, that is, not Jonas). Third runner-up (because I can’t just name one or even two songs): “Stop Whispering” by Radiohead.
    2. TV Show: Six Feet Under. When my friends Kate and Christof named their baby Nate (well, Nathaniel, really), I burst into tears.
    3. Donut flavor: Lemon-filled. I know!! It’s gross! And artificially colored and flavored!! But I’ve always loved lemon-flavored sweets. When my parents had their groovy van in the 70s and equipped it with a CB radio, my handle was Lemon Pie.
    4. Poem: “The Revelation” by William Carlos Williams. Sally, thanks for introducing me to that one.
    5. Unsubstantiated rumor that is so totally made up: Yeah, I think mine would have to be the same as Sally’s. Not only was the guy such a Smiths fan he kept a picture of Morrissey in his underwear, but he also took a vow of chastity and used said picture and its placement to help keep his Weezer chaste.
    6. Day of the week: It has to be Friday. As a girl I work with points out, Fridays are just a formality. You only show up because you’re supposed to, but you never get any work done.
    7. Place to Vomit: In college, it was sinks. Now, apparently, it’s people’s front yards.
    8. Movie: This is hard. Like Sally, my one and only criterion will have to be movies that I can watch over and over without getting tired of them: Bottle Rocket, Grease 2 (yes, it’s terrible, I know!! That’s why I love it!), and Murder by Death. I promise, I really love good movies, too. But I’m not always able to watch them more than once.
    9. Writing instrument: a good #2 pencil with plenty of traction/friction, not those plasticky, squeaky ones.
    10. Beatles album: The White Album.
    11. Lunch: Two carnitas tacos, chips and queso, and a Diet Coke. Or a good club sandwich with plain potato chips and iced tea.
    12. Pastry: chocolate-filled croissant
    13. Smiths album: Louder than Bombs. There are just SO MANY songs, so many fabulous songs!
    14. Non-alcoholic beverage: Um, water. Or coffee. I’m boring.
    15. Alcoholic beverage: Bourbaritas!! Wa-hoo. I’m getting all wacky just thinking about them!! (And no, Sally is not allowed to drink them anymore.) My favorite bourbarita moment: at my July 4th party a few years ago, when (after many bourbaritas) my guests sang “The Star-Spangled Banner” to a partygoer’s American flag–patterned shirt. Hands over hearts, hats off and all.
    16. Magazine: Dear lord, if I have to be honest, right now it’s Parents. Yup. That’s right—I’m just that smart and edgy. Or the one I work for, which I do still love.
    17. Concert: Pixies in Birmingham in 2004. I always regretted never seeing them when they were still together, so I was incredibly happy to get to see them then. They did EVERYTHING that night. There wasn’t a single song I wanted to hear that they didn’t play. I jumped up and jumped (!!) the whole time. First runner-up: my wedding reception, which was pretty much a concert.
    18. Blog: this one!
    19. Class: Oh, how I loved The Modern Religious Novel in graduate school. Yes, the books were great—Brideshead Revisited, The End of the Affair, Wise Blood, Black Robe. Yeah, the class was taught by an ex priest who left the priesthood to get married (he’s now divorced). But perhaps my favorite part of the class was the people in it. Silly James Chartreuse made random comments such as, “You know, the fisher king, the vegetation myth,” and couldn’t explain what he meant. Or our pal Chad, whose girlfriend had just broken up with him. He’d get drunk on red wine, come to class stinking (literally) drunk and red-faced, and engage in rowdy outbursts about the subject matter. “How could Julia just reject Charles!?! How could she just do that?! And for God?!!” Oh, it was great. And when Koala revealed that he hoped Bendrix and Henry would have ended up together (romantically) at the end of The End of the Affair, the class was just so scandalized! My second-favorite class was Arab Women Writers (in translation). Oh, but really.
    20. Curse word: Fuck, in its many forms (except when used as a verb). My favorite current incarnation, which I’ve whipped out a lot lately at work: What the fuckity fuck fuck FUCK?!!
    21. Smiths song: “Reel Around the Fountain.” I know, everyone hates this song but me.
    22. Actor: Jeremy Irons. In an email to Sally once, I accidentally typed “Jeremy Irony,” and that seems fitting. I also heart Edward Norton.
    23. Book: Music of the Swamp by Lewis Nordon. I read this book at least once a year. Also One Hundred Years of Solitude (except, perhaps, for the war stuff). (Um, Sally, I still have your copy of Heaven of Mercury, which sits, untouched on my bedside table. Sorry.)
    24. Fruit and vegetable: I share Sally’s love of avocados. They are my favorite fruit hands-down. Try this: Cut one in half, take out the seed, sprinkle a lot of sea or kosher salt over the flesh, and fill the seed cavity with good balsamic vinegar. Eat with a spoon, scraping the flesh from the skin and dragging it through the sweet-tangy vinegar—dear god, this is divine!! Favorite vegetable: fresh Brussels sprouts (roasted, thank you).
    25. Restaurant: Anthony’s in West Point, MS.
    26. Superstition: I don’t know if this is truly a superstition, but here goes: that when you drive through a cloud/fog, you’re passing through someone’s soul. Ooooooo.
    27. Celebrity: Salma Hayek. She’s my movie star girlfriend. Robert Rodriguez’s wife said in an interview that you know how stunningly beautiful Salma is in movies and on magazine covers? Yeah, she’s apparently ten times more beautiful in real life. Love. Her.
    28. Form of punctuation: Ah, the colon. I was very fond of colonated titles in graduate school. “Three and Six and Five: The Significance of Numbers in Divina Trace.” I also share Bulb’s love of the em dash—it’s really great!
    29. Store: Happy Price “Z” Outlet in B’ham, where you can purchase Powderpuff and Hello Kitty knockoffs. Because, you know, the real stuff is so expensive. And you can buy swords and pots and pans and cigarette lighters in the shape of a hand flipping the bird.
    30. Dream: (KoE: I LOVE that I made it into your dream!!) I am so proud of this dream I had when I was pregnant. I was watching the Britney Spears reality show, and it was revealed that without her makeup on, Britney is actually a dark-skinned black woman.
    31. Daydream: Um, boring, but that I win the lottery and pay off all my debt and buy a bigger house and stay home (part-time) with my boys. Or that I meet Jeremy Irony (or Edward Norton) on a plane, and he’s so taken by me that we live happily ever after.

  10. RD said:

    Mrs. Floon: Hello! How have you been?
    Sally: Taco Bueeeeeeeeeeeeeenooooooooooooooo. I know it’s wrong, but it feels so right.

  11. gorjus said:

    Mrs. Floon!! This is like an amazing guest star special episode! Like that time Phil Collins was on Miami Vice!

  12. The Oh Really » The List List. said:

    [...] My All-Time Favorite Things: May. [...]