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19 Aug 2005


Written by sally @ 9:00 am — Section: sally

We’ve had a bunch of storms lately, the kind with really big raindrops. We also happen to have the World’s Worst Gutters, as they are totally useless. If you have the misfortune to be heading to our house while it is raining, you actually get eight times wetter as you approach the house. Instead of funneling the water away to the side of the house, the WWG are designed to dump bucketsful of water on your head as you come in. Not cool, WWG. Not cool.

The other night the rain was especially heinous, and Larry got soaked as he ran in and out of the house trying to cover up a dresser out on the carport that he’s been stripping and refinishing. I tried to take pictures of the hilarious sight of gallons and gallons of water falling off of our house and into the flowerbeds, but they didn’t turn out very well. This one is from when it was starting to calm down, but you can still sort of see that’s it’s fairly rainy — the foggy windows aren’t actually foggy; those are the windows that were failed by the WWG and were pummeled with rain:

The night after that, we had a power outage for several hours. Larry and I got home from dinner with gorjus, and because I am obsessed with killers, my first thought when I saw our dark house was, someone messed with the electricity so they could kill us! But then I noticed that the killer must be on quite a spree, since all the neighbors’ houses were just as dark.

Larry and I were not good power outagers. He was hot and bored and I was just bored. I tried reading the newspaper with a candle, but despite that being a fire hazard, it was a smelly candle and it gave me a headache. Lulu was a good sport and did not seem to notice that anything was different. I love that about animals; they just go along with everything. Once in Tuscaloosa, we were having horrible, awful tornadoes, and my cat Tom and I got into the pantry under the stairs with a flashlight, telephone, and radio. I couldn’t get a hold of Vendela on the phone, and the radio said MASSIVE TORNADO IN COLUMBUS; ONE FATALITY REPORTED and I was convinced that Vendela was dead.

Tom stood there for a moment sort of wondering what we were doing in the pantry, then he got up on a shelf next to some refried beans and went to sleep. I started eating a box of croutons and when it was all clear, I had a horrible stomachache — and an empty box of croutons. (Vendela was not dead, by the way. Her phone was just jacked up due to the storm.)

I told you I had no news.

5 Responses to “Thunderstorms.”

  1. The Diplomat said:

    Sally, you’re right. Like all the real winners say, it’s not whether or not you’re paranoid, it’s whether or not you’re paranoid enough.

  2. gorjus said:

    Argh! I would have totally cried if you had died from being fried after, you know, setting the newspaper on fire. DON’T DO THAT.

  3. liz said:

    “Tom stood there for a moment sort of wondering what we were doing in the pantry, then he got up on a shelf next to some refried beans and went to sleep.”

    That’s a great sentence, especially if taken out of context.

  4. jaysus said:

    our side of the block was without power as well, but cornbread didn’t handle things as ably as little lulu. she kept trying to get into my lap, and was doggie-hyperventilating. she finally calmed down once we were stationed on the porch, candles blazing and maker’s mark flowing.
    jaxxie, i now know, needs a large maglite, and i plan to purchase one this weekend.
    next time, we’ll get the neighbors together for hurricanes!

  5. sally said:

    Sadly, we have no porch. Well, we have a little stub of a porch, but there’s no cover, so it doesn’t count. We are bad, bad southern homeowners for not adding one, stat.