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27 Jun 2005

Beans ‘n Wieners.

Written by sally @ 1:05 pm — Section: sally

At lunch on Friday I stopped by the Woodie Assaf estate sale.

Woodie Assaf was the weatherman on WLBT here in Jackson for almost 48 years, and apparently he and his wife are in a nursing home and his daughters are selling the house and the stuff inside to fund their stay. The flyer advertising the stuff made it sound like the Assafs were living it up big time, sitting on solid gold furniture and brushing their teeth with diamonds.

I should’ve known that it wouldn’t be that good, especially because I went on the second day (Betsy drove by on the first day, and there was a line of people around the house waiting to get in). It was pretty much like every estate sale I’ve ever been to: cruddy, expensive, and sad. Why is the stuff in the bathroom for sale?! Because most estate sales are selling old people’s stuff, I have seen more of those bathtub seats and walkers and enema bags in estate sale bathrooms than I could ever hope to see.

I did want to buy something, and so I pawed through the Assafs’ Christmas decorations (pine cone wearing a Santa hat? pass), linens (polyester blend? pass), and stationery (is it mandatory that all old women buy those multi-packs of greeting cards that cover every holiday or occasion? pass). Then I came to the memorabilia area, and even though the glossy 8 x 10 photographs were $10 each, I had to buy one.

I had my choice of Woodie Assaf hawking pretty much every food product for Sunflower grocery stores; in most of the pictures he is posed, smiling, with perfect hair. The one I chose, however, is a little more interesting (not to mention a cool composition):

BEANS ‘n WIENERS, people. What’s that? Want a closer look? Here:

15 Responses to “Beans ‘n Wieners.”

  1. gclark said:

    this kicks ass!

  2. beth said:

    outstanding.

  3. The Diplomat said:

    I went by the Assaf estate on Thursday afternoon around 3:00 and it had already been pretty thoroughly picked over. Old homie death-profiteer said there were people lined up outside the door at 9:00, and the doors opened at 1:00.

    All I wanted were some neckties to give as gifts and OHD-P said some cat came in in the first ten minutes and bought all 200-some-odd ties. Asshole. There ought to be a law!

    I thought all the Woodie-specific memorabilia was too dear (the Woodie golf towel for $50 anyone?) and just ended up getting a lot of Holmes Community College Highstepper calendars from the late 60s and early 70s, and a couple of books from the 50s about how to raise teenage girls – one has a chapter titled “The Myth of Menstruation.”

    I wasn’t even aware that neighborhood even existed with those giant house with the expansive yards in SoJack. Crazy.

  4. Prof. Fury said:

    Oh man, that’s so great. I would love to go to a Woody Assaf estate sale! This pic was a great find–well worth 10 bucks.

    Shouldn’t their stay at the nursing home just be funded by the goodwill of the citizens of the Jackson viewing area? I mean, Woody Assaf, people. Come on.

  5. gorjus said:

    Man, Woodie looks like . . . well, like he doesn’t like that wiener, much.

  6. The Diplomat said:

    Gorjus,

    Woodie looks like he’s unhappily pulling his tongue out with a pair of tongs.

  7. herman rarebell said:

    that is one terrifying wiener.
    awesome.

  8. poobou said:

    That picture is hilarious, but it made me really sad to hear that Woodie Assaf is in a nursing home. I remember watching him nightly at the dinner table from the time I was cognizant of television until I left for college.

    Great head of hair on that guy, though.

  9. larry ferrari said:

    The weather man says, “This there wiener is MMM-mmm-MMM-mmm good.”

  10. vendela said:

    i used to think that woodie lived in the apartment above the seal-lilly ice cream parlor in hattiesburg because there was a commercial of him standing in front of the parlor hawking ice cream when i was a kid. my grandfather took me to get ice cream there, once, and he told me that i asked the guy behind the counter where his grandfather was.

    dear rose and cas,
    please tell me if i ever do anything so dastardly to either of you that you see fit to turn your childhood home into a mall of mortification at which you peddle my corn pads and a half-empty package of depends to anyone in the city with a means of trasportation and the day off. just tell me, and i promise to make it up to you with pizza every night for supper and a trip or ten to hawaii.

    love,
    mama

  11. sally said:

    I don’t think the Assaf kids are selling their childhood home and its contents in order to embarrass or punish their parents.

    Although that would be a hilarious plan, something to hold over one’s mother’s head growing up: “Oh yeah? I can’t go to Jimmy’s party? I’ll get even one day, you old bag, when I open this house and invite the public to root through your underwear drawer!”

  12. vendela said:

    i know. nursing homes are really expensive, and it’s sad that sometimes they can only be paid for by estate sales and the like. i guess what i mean is, is there really that much more money to be made by the sale of one’s personal-use bathroom items? i can’t imagine the contents of my entire bathroom could buy me even one saturday afternoon at an assisted-living facility.

    dear rose and cas,
    please dear ones, feel free to sell all of mama’s fiestaware and all of herman’s high on fire records, just please don’t tape a “$.25 each” sign to my underwear drawer.

    xoxox,
    mama

  13. herman rarebell said:

    speak for yourself. i’m cashing on my delicates.
    http://underwear.qballs.com/

  14. herman rarebell said:

    *warning* the link above breaches the usual decorum of theohreally. when i posted it, i did not realize the site included turkey necks.

  15. larry ferrari said:

    Herman, no one is going to question you as to how you found that site. I just want you to know that I am your friend and will always be your friend. You can talk to me, you sick bastard.