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23 Jun 2005

Next Up: The Foxtrot to Ludacris.

Written by sally @ 11:15 am — Section: sally

Because I do not like to disappoint, here is my recap of last night’s Dancing with the Stars.

Please let it be known that even though I am Matlock, I still went out last night, came home at 2:00, and then watched the show this morning, thanks to TiVo. What is this called? Devotion.

Last night’s two featured dances were the samba and the Viennese waltz. Hot.

First up: Joey McIntyre, who I am beginning to think belongs in the P. Diddy Mouth Breathers Hall of Fame, and the adorable Ashly DelGrosso! She’s just so cute. Finally, the dance and the song remotely come together: they sambaed to “Tequila.” I thought they danced ok, but the judges told Joey he needed more Ricky Martin in his hips. Score: 20/30.

Next up: the ill-fated Rachel Hunter. Thanks to someone who shall remain nameless (his name rhymes with “Porsches,” sort of) I already heard about Rachel Hunter’s being booted last night at Jaxxie’s. (I punched him twice in the arm with my left hand, though, and finally employed my wedding rings for evil instead of good.) Anyway, they danced to the Austin Powers theme song. Rachel sported plumage and danced like a bird. A very, very large bird.

The judges were mixed:
Judge 1: You are a sultry and exotic bird of paradise.
Judge 2: You are boring.
Judge 3: You are fabulous.

Score: 25/30

Next up was J. Peterman. His partner began the dance hunched over on the floor like she was asleep. Because I often find myself in the same position, you know, crouched down on a dance floor completely out of it, only to be roused by the sweet strains of “Just the Two of Us” performed by the house band, I halfway enjoyed their routine. Score: 21/30.

General Hospital Girl was next. She had a wardrobe malfunction and pretty much had to shield her boobs through half of her dance, but she was still pretty good. In the clip of her and her partner rehearsing, she says, “I have dreams of being graceful and not stompy…like an Oompa Loompa.” I hate her much less now. Plus, their dance was spinny and everybody shook their respective booties. One of the judges called her a “white hot chili pepper.” Score: 26/30.

Then there was a group waltz for the second dance of the night. I don’t dig the group dance. You can’t see what people are wearing, and there was really no way I could take notes during this portion because I had my fingers stuck in my ears trying to block out the house band’s version of “I Got You, Babe.”

The lame host said something like, Wow, that was the Viennese waltz to Sonny and Cher. What’s next, the foxtrot to Ludacris?!

Rachel Hunter then got the boot, and I felt bad for her because she cried, but I still didn’t feel bad for punching gorjus in the arm a few hours earlier.

8 Responses to “Next Up: The Foxtrot to Ludacris.”

  1. kicker of elves said:

    I dislike TV in general, especially reality/celeb stuff, but your descriptions of this here show make me think I’m actually missing something. Like Rachel Hunter.

  2. lucy said:

    This is such a good show. I, too, now like the General Hospital girl. And I am irritated at Joey McIntyre. Rachel Hunter should NOT have been sent home last night. Bastard voting public.

  3. gorjus said:

    I don’t like Joey because his partner, with her wonderfully chubby cheeks, is so great and he acts like a prick towards her.

    My arm? Was sore, by the way.

  4. larry ferrari said:

    Out to 2 am…I don’t even know who you are any more.

    Confidentially to gorjus, you deserved it, wuss. Who expects to get TV updates from the guy without one?

  5. gorjus said:

    I’m just that good.

  6. beth said:

    Joey invited her home to Bahston for goodness’ sake. What more do you want from him??

  7. lucy said:

    He doesn’t act like a prick to her, he’s just a shitty, fake smiley, dancer.

  8. gorjus said:

    I thought when he was supposed to be working on the quickstep with her he was awful snippy.