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24 Oct 2017

This Thing We Have, Will It Mean Anything?

Written by sally @ 9:09 am — Section: sally

In the spring of 1999, I started dating this guy who was few years younger than me, but who was also a mechanical engineering major, which meant he was like 11 years old emotionally. His friends were all virgins and were very giggly about the whole thing. (This guy wasn’t a virgin; he had proudly done it, like, twice before me, but…ok, that’s pretty much a virgin.) So one time we were all headed to the bar, me and the merry band of virgins, and the Old 97s song “Melt Show” came on in my car.

Here’s an explication of the lyrics and the event.

In the front row at the Melt Show
I fell in love with you and that was three weeks ago

Naturally, at the time of this particular event, the pretty much virgin (PMV) and I had been dating about three weeks. One of the virgins in the car emitted a sound close to a gasp at this line.

We fooled around, you let me have it for free

Oh, my god. THE VIRGINS STARTED LAUGHING.

Yeah, it worked out, out real nice
I showed you how to and you showed me paradise

FULL SCALE HOOTING.

Now you’re killing time and it’s killing me
Oh, and is this more than some old summer fling?
Oh, this thing we have, will it mean anything?

One of the virgins: Awww.

Oh, when October rolls around, will you sober up and let me down?
Will you sober up and let me?

Another virgin: NOPE.

At this point, I died of embarrassment. My soul escaped out the car window and snagged on the antenna, fluttering in the breeze as a bunch of virgins MOCKED ME FOR HAVING SEX WITH THEIR FRIEND via an alt-country song.

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