4 Jun 2012
1. I haven’t been able to read much lately — not because I’m super busy having loads of fun; the opposite, actually: I’m super busy having loads of unfun — but this weekend I read John Jeremiah Sullivan’s Pulphead, a collection of fantastic essays. There’s a great one about The Real World, where he hangs out with Mike (The Miz!), Coral, and Melissa (New Orleans Melissa), but the best is one about Michael Jackson. It’s possible to read it and remember how awesome Michael Jackson was without immediately cancelling out the awesome thought with the child molesty thoughts. (It’s called “Michael.”)
2. I also haven’t really been watching tv, although I have discovered a show that blends the best elements of HGTV, House Hunters + any remodel/redecoration show. It’s called Love It or List It, in which asshole homeowners who have been living in a state of half-completed renovation projects get the opportunity to tell a British lady “here is all the stuff you gotta do for us” and she has to do it all. Meanwhile, a shifty real estate agent is trying to find them a different house to buy where everything is already done and all they have to do is move in. WHO WILL WIN? It’s actually about half and half, and everyone acts horrible and whiny. The homeowners are all miffed that the British lady can’t get six months’ worth of work done in a weekend and the British lady is miffed with the real estate guy for showing them awesome houses. The homeowners are by and far the best/worst part. Bonus: a lot of times the husbands are also contractors so they are also bossy/think they know everything about home repair.
3. A friend recently texted me that she had eaten three-quarters of a pizza and was that bad. I responded, digging deep into my food history, that I once ate two Big Macs out of spite. (Look, I didn’t want my stepfather to eat the other one! They were $.99 and we’d bought a bunch.)
4. Planning an event a year ago, I just wanted to offer fruit, cheese, and crackers, but a lady who knows better wanted these little roll-up sandwich thingies. She won because she said this: “This way, we’ll give ‘em a little taste of meat.” I could not argue. I also could not get the phrase “taste of meat” out of my head, especially the way she said it, her tongue crisply clicking against the back of her teeth on the final t.
5. I can’t top “give ‘em a little taste of meat.”