10 May 2012
1. Do you know what is delicious? Manwich.
2. I’ve lost the ability to read adult books. Not ADULT-adult, just regular books that grown up humans might read. I still have a stack of books I got for Christmas (I’m looking at you, The Family Fang) that are untouched. I’m just not in the mood. However, there is a part of me that always needs to be reading, so I have started re-reading my old pre-teen books. I got my copy of The Rise and Fall of a Teen-age Wacko yesterday in the mail, and it is every bit as good/terrible as I remember! Laura loves to shop at Bloomingdale’s but must spend her summer in a dumb cabin with her parents. Then she gets a job babysitting back in the city, buys a dress she thinks is magical, and then trips and falls into the set of a Woody Allen movie. BRING IT.
3. If you are experiencing Sad Times™, I recommend texting your now-gay (obvs then-gay too) high school boyfriend-type-person and accusing him of not wanting to kiss you 22 years ago. Then he will point out that he was gay. Then you will point out that he kissed other girls, especially that skank Julie. Then he will point out that that happened in middle school and doesn’t count. Then voila! Your Sad Times™ will be gone!
4. I got into an argument yesterday with a friend who insisted that had she been on the Titanic, she is SUCH a good swimmer that she could’ve swum to safety. No amount of “uhh, hypothermia, sister” or “what about the 40 pounds of 1912 underwear you would’ve been wearing” would wear her down. I am just now thinking that perhaps in 1912 she wouldn’t have grown up with an in-ground pool and thus she would’ve drowned like everybody else. BAM! I think part of the issue was that we had an audience, and to my delight, a middle-aged lady got into the mix as well, waving her arms around and talking about how she saw a special a few weeks ago and basically you have six minutes to live once you hit the water and what are you talking about et cetera. I didn’t win because she never backed down, but basically, I think we all know that I won.
5. Do you know what is also delicious? Putting cheese and avocado on your Manwich. What? If you are currently thinking “I would never eat a Manwich” then you are missing out. For years — at least five — I made my own sloppy joe filling. It’s not hard. Then one day I really didn’t have time to chop or simmer and tried ye olde Manwiche. It was delicious. Beyond delicious. I think it’s because the second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup.