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20 Dec 2010

Celebrity Holiday Homez.

Written by sally @ 10:01 am — Section: sally

This weekend I watched Celebrity Holiday Homes. This is a show in which three celebrity homes are redone by pushy designers and then the celebrities come home and go “where is my furniture? ha ha no really where is my furniture.”

The first celebrity in question was Sherri Shepherd from The View and 30 Rock, who has just bought a brownstone in Harlem and has never decorated for Christmas or had a Christmas tree. Whut. Instead of easing her into it, her designer removed her furniture to make room for gobs and gobs of gold glittery things. So many glittery things. Then she had a party, and her boyfriend arrived and she made lots of jokes about how she wanted an engagement ring ha ha ha and the guy was like um ok we’ll see.

The second celebrity home belonged to Brooke Burke and Dave Charvet, who are apparently some impossibly beautiful and tan people, who have many beautiful and tan children with funny names. Their designer was wearing a tiny dress and huge heels, which are a bitch to climb ladders in, but this did not deter her in creating a WHITE WINTER WONDERLAND. She said those words a lot. She got rid of all their living and dining room furniture (this bothered the tan man) and gave them all-white furniture, which is the best thing to do for a house full of children. There were also many lights and doo dads and sparkly things, and when they went outside to see the cabana, which was decorated aggressively white, there was an all-white-girls choir singing Christmas carols. This bothered the small tan children. (I was going to omit this part, but there was something wrong with the designer’s nose. It was yellow. She had a yellow nose. The rest of her was evenly colored, but she had a yellow nose. It was in stark contrast to the all-white decorations.)

The third celebrity was Trisha Yearwood, who was also reluctant to be on the show but did a better job of hiding it than the tan man. Her designer, who kept making a point of saying that he was from Mississippi, ignored Trisha’s requests for a simple Christmas and doo-dadded her house within an inch of its life. After the reveal, where Trisha pretended she liked it all, she said to the designer, I have a surprise for you! And he was all “do I get a car.” And then the surprise was he got to make cheese straws with her mom and sister. Ha ha! They kept talking about how they were having a party. Then they showed the party. The guests were: Trisha, Trisha’s mom, Trisha’s sister, and the designer. Then Trisha sang “My Favorite Things” while the designer stared into his gingerbread martini.

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