I had a choice between two parking spots. I decided that my car, which is not super huge, wouldn’t fit into the one on the left, so I chose the one on the right. I turned off the engine, gathered my things, and then saw that a supergigantic SUV was attempting to get into the spot I deemed too small for my normal-sized car.

Oh, she’s going to back up in a minute when she realizes she won’t fit, I thought.

She did not. She pulled in and turned off her engine.

I could open my door, but not by much. I had to do an attractive tip-toe sideways dance to get past her supergigantic SUV.

She was on the phone. I stared at her until she looked at me.

“Your car is too big to park there,” I said. “I could barely get out.”

“Oh, sorry,” she said. “I’m only picking up an order.” Because that makes it better, you know.

I walked ahead of her, looking at her reflection in the glass doors, waiting for her to flip me off/tackle me to the ground. I could hear her on the phone still.

“Um–what was I saying. Ok, then he said, wait. What? I lost my train of thought.”

I really thought that telling her that she was a dumb parker would make me feel better, but it just made me feel like an asshole. As I stood in line to place my order, a drop of water from the air conditioning vent hit me on the head, confirming that the universe agreed.