• We keep Lulu’s leash and collar in a bowl on a table by the front door, and if you go near the bowl or heaven forbid, touch the bowl so that the collar jangles a little, she goes nuts and thinks it’s time for a walk. The other day Pete dropped his mousie into the bowl and then dug around in it trying to get mousie out, and Lulu actually jumped up and ran over to him with her little puppy eyebrows up and her tail wagging. Like Pete was going to take her for a walk. I love Lulu, but sometimes she’s such a dog.

• I was totally into American Idol this season, but after Allison was booted, I lost interest in that sausage party. And such uninteresting sausages, too! I was still rooting for the widowed sausage but now that he’s gone, I just cannot bring myself to care for the screaming sausage or the stale sausage. You should type “sausage” a few times and see how doing so compels you to KEEP TYPING IT. Sausage!

• A few weeks ago I told you about my friend from high school, JP, who used to throw me around onto vaguely cushioned surfaces, and how we’d become friends again on Facebook. I was looking through my high school journals for ammunition to use against him and found some intriguing information instead.

A Recap of My Junior Year in High School: A List by Sally J. Nordan

JP is awesome! I love him!
Today I thought we were going to make out but instead we wrestled a lot.
JP is mad at me.
I apologized to JP today.
We wrestled some more.
I hate JP.
I love him!
Wrestling!
Mad again.
Apologized again.
More wrestling.
No making out. Just more wrestling.

You see where this is going, don’t you? JP is gay. Of course he is! It all makes sense! He didn’t have dreams of WWF! He just didn’t want to make out with a girl. It’s kind of heartbreaking and sweet and it makes me want to get in a time machine and pat him on the head and tell him it’s ok and that he can stop pinning me down with his elbow now.