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20 Apr 2006

America’s Next Top Chef Model!

Written by sally @ 9:26 am — Section: Uncategorized

Man. Television was so good last night.

America’s Next Top Model:
Jade participated in National Poetry Month! I should’ve written it down, but I believe it had the words soul and peace and maybe rainbow in it! Get thee to Poet’s Corner, Jade! I love Joanie…and her effed up tooth nuggets! I laughed when Nnennah’s gift box contained her creepy boyfriend! Ok, and yeah: I hate Jade, but when the fake stylist/model expert lady said you look like a dude and Jade laughed it off? She sort of gets points for that.

Top Chef:
I’ve been sucked in. Last weekend I watched all the previous episodes. I hadn’t had the experience of watching almost an entire series of a show in one sitting before, and I must say that it was an interesting process. People get on your nerves quicker, but you also have a better sense of who they are when you watch seven hours of them in a row.

Take Stephen for example. I know, I know! Stephen the Hated! People, look: Stephen is not real. He is a carefully crafted television pseudo human especially created to inspire loathing and revulsion. I refuse to believe that anyone naturally speaks like that — it’s a huge, well-played act. I would bet money that he stole that personality from some guy he used to work for. And that that guy is watching this show and thinking, Stephen is such a prick! But he reminds me of someone…and his wine pairings are dead on.

I think Miguel has Down Syndrome. There, I said it.

I’m rooting for Lee Anne to win, although I would be okay with Harold (sort of hot) or Tiffani winning as well. (Sidenote: Tiffani’s bio describes her as a “bisexual Bostonian.”) Dave…oh, Dave. You’re such a 13-year-old girl. I wouldn’t have expected the person to cry the most on this show to be the middle-aged dude.

Also, have you people tivo’ed So NoTorious yet?

13 Responses to “America’s Next Top Chef Model!”

  1. Ramona said:

    I’ve caught an episode of So NoTorious, and Tori Spelling makes good faces. Plus, Lady Buttercup and I dig Mimi La Rue’s outfits and fatness.

  2. vendela said:

    dave. boy is he gonna cry when he has to watch this on tv with the rest of us and see himself up there blubbering away and screamin “shit! i’m a dumb ass!” at ted allen. oh wait. i guess he’s already blubbering. i loved ted allen’s line: “how can you get anything done in the kitchen, when you’re always going on about FEELINGS???”

    herman and i admitted to each other last night that we thought miguel looks like he has d.s., too. but we were too scared to tell each other.

  3. Professor Fury said:

    Is it too early to call ANTM for Joanie? I think she’s walking away with the prize, not just because she’s a good model n’ stuff, but because she’s got a good overcoming-adversity story of the sort that Tyra loves (Preacher’s daughter! Cage dancer! Poverty!). I loved how Tyra’s comments to Jade last night were basically “You take good pictures and seem talented…but no one likes you. So we’re kind of stuck here.”

  4. jaysus said:

    So NoTorious is super-duper. We’ve been tivo-ing it, and watching it during our Sunday/Monday recuperation TV therapy sessions, and the show owns.
    Jaxxie is in our nation’s capital for the rest of the week, so I had trouble falling asleep last night, which sucked. But the awesome side-effect (besides extreeeeeme narcolepsy today) was watching FOUR episodes of Parental Control back to back on MTV. That shit is wild! One of the dads last night told his daughter’s boyfriend (named Hussein, btw) TWICE that he was going to put his foot up his ass! With a straight face!
    Also – in teasers for this week’s Real World, the Hurricane is on its way! And drinks are thrown on people at the club! I’m ready for the scene where the hotel room mattress goes flying toward the door, which I’m assuming will be next week.

    And – my Top Chef money is on Tiffani.

  5. Christy said:

    I am going to start saying “I’m not your bitch, bitch” to everyone I know. Check-out girls, family members, my own children …

    And Stephen is Top Chef’s Santino. The producers probably won’t let the judges kick him off because he makes good, if creepy, TV. Also, he is an adroid.

  6. sally said:

    At least we know Santino was human because he was too dirty to be a robot.

  7. gorjus said:

    Hmm. Excellent logic, Nordan.

    I cannot get into the Top Chef. While on any reality show there’s always the one person who’s all “I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to kick ass and . . .,” I felt like ALL the characters on Top Chef were that person. And, I hate that person.

    Stephen is too clueless to be fake; I think he genuinely acts the way he acts out of a cold, unfeeling, arguably robotic drive towards culinary perfection. But man. That hair. Look, I use waaaay too much jive in my hair, but . . . that’s too much, compadre.

    No comment on Miguel.

  8. Lucy said:

    I hate that Tyra is going to bully Danielle into having the gap between her front teeth closed. Jade and Nnenna both suck.

  9. vendela said:

    stephen’s hair is his achilles heel. while his act may be: “i am far superior to the grease and gimmickry of your wineless kitchen,” his hair says: “please think i’m cool.” AND/OR “see, i’ve already gone and given myself a swirley, so you don’t have to!” i’m guessing the swirley was a look stephen was very used to sporting in the sixth grade boy’s bathroom.

  10. gorjus said:

    Well, Danielle doesn’t have a gap: she has a canyon. It’s not a hott Lauren Hutton gap. It’s a, something’s wrong with my teeth gap.

  11. Liz said:

    I don’t know; I like the gap.

  12. sally said:

    I’m sort of ambivalent about the gap. On the one hand, it sort of messes up her high-fashion shots, but on the other hand, she identifies the gap with who she is. But then on the other hand she’s on a model show. But on the other hand, quirks make people interesting.

    They called me Wishy-Washy Nordan back in my old neighborhood.

  13. Lucy said:

    I like the gap, and it’s due in large part to how much SHE likes the gap. I thought Cassandra was a dick when she wouldn’t let them cut another inch off her hair, but hair grows back. I think it’s harder to undo expensive cosmetic dentistry, and if Danielle likes her gap, she should screw what Tyra says and keep it. Cover Girl, Schmover Girl.