14 Nov 2012

I MADE A LIST.

Written by sally @ 2:36 pm — Section: sally

1. The past few weeks gave me the gift of not one, but TWO research emporium-related events, which usually means my weirdometer is stuck on WHOA ALERT A CAT SWEATER WITH A POCKET FOR AN ACTUAL CAT, but I have to say, either I wasn’t paying attention, or the research emporiumists are getting more stylish. (I probably wasn’t paying attention.) I mean, I saw a fanny pack and I just thought, “You know, it DOES free up the hands.” I saw some old school black Reeboks worn unironically and just thought, “I’ve heard those provide a lot of support.” However, I did take note of a few things.

a. There is a research emporiumist that I see around at various meetings who has beautiful hair. It is shiny, it is lustrous, it is full of volume. Sometimes I’ll see something glowing out of the corner of my eye and it’s the LIGHT BOUNCING OFF HER HAIR. So I asked her if she did anything special to it, and she said, “Well, I use Pantene for colored women.” And then I was sorry I asked, as we were in an echo-y restroom, and she is younger than me and just used “colored” as if that was an ok term, and then someone asked, “What do you use?” (because seriously, her hair is THAT shiny) and she repeated, louder, “PANTENE FOR COLORED WOMEN.” And then, the worst part: “IT COMES IN A BROWN BOTTLE.”

b. A weird lady confessed in a meeting that when she’s stressed out, she locks herself in the restroom and calls her mom to vent. “I wouldn’t admit that in public,” the lady next to me said. “Too many people conduct phone business in the bathroom. I have one friend who I swear, every time I call her, I’m like, ‘Whatcha doing?’ and she goes, ‘Playing Angry Birds on the pot.'” I may have giggled for a really long time over this. The lady who said it has a verrrrrrry thick Southern accent. So please, go back, and read the words “Angry Birds on the pot” like a big old hick. I was also awash in memory, as no one uses “on the pot” anymore. Nor should they, necessarily! But that phrsae was how my family indicated that someone was in the bathroom. “Where’s Dad?” “Oh, he’s on the pot.”

2. ANGRY BIRDS ON THE POT

3. In other news, I have started and abandoned roughly 500 books recently. Sarah Waters’ The Night Watch, Chabon’s Telegraph Avenue (which I LOVED, but I didn’t have time to savor before it was due back at the library), the first 10 pages of The Casual Vacancy, and now I’m about 50 pages into The Chaperone, which I find so dull and predictable it may get me out of my reading rut.

4. I am still in deep, committed love with the VH1 show Couples Therapy. It is possible that I cried during last week’s episode. Look, Alex and her mom!

5. And holy noun, are you people watching Upstairs, Downstairs? What I kind of considered the stepsister of Downton Abbey redeemed itself big time this week! Persie! Beryl! OH MY GOD PERSIE. I’m trying not to be all spoilery, but I did sort of laugh that Agnes was all dusting her hands off and saying “well, moving on” about the whole thing. Also I do not care about Pritchard. I do care about Hallam’s upper lip. I do not care about Caspar Landry’s nylon stockings. I do care about Spargo when he is not wearing a shirt.

6. In Spike news, he dressed as Super Cat Waldo Armstrong for Halloween. If you’d like to dress this way yourself, you will need:

— one (1) Where’s Waldo costume (red striped shirt, red hat, glasses)
— one (1) bow tie left over from that time your day care put on a Black History Month program and you were Louis Armstrong
— one (1) set of cat ears, headband variety
— one (1) superhero cape

And voila! You too can look crazy (and, admittedly, awesome).

1 Nov 2012

Y / N.

Written by sally @ 1:27 pm — Section: sally

I find myself annoyed by the world today. Take this brief quiz and see if these examples irritate you as well.

1. People are putting things into a display case at your workplace and are encountering some trouble.
Person 1: Oh, I don’t think this thing is going to fit.
You: That shelf is adjustable.
Person 1: It’s too bad it won’t fit.
You: That shelf is adjustable.
Person 2: I think I can squish it in there.
You: That shelf is adjustable.
Person 2: Nope, can’t squish it.
You: Do you want me to adjust that shelf for you?
Persons 1 & 2: Yes.

ARE YOU IRRITATED? Y / N

2. Person crossing the street while you’re waiting at a light is jauntily tossing her head from side to side as the wind whips through her hair.

ARE YOU IRRITATED? Y / N

3. You meet gorjus for lunch. He looks at your outfit, laughs, and says, “Aw, it’s mean to make fun of your friends.”

ARE YOU IRRITATED? Y / N