30 Nov 2008

Hooray! Last Post of NaStuPidPostMonth.

Written by sally @ 3:49 pm — Section: Uncategorized

I love regifting. I just got back from a baby shower where I not only regifted the two items I gave (fuzzy lamb, baby blanket), but the gift bag as well. I am, admittedly, a cheapskate, but one could argue that I am also environmentally awesome.

OH DEAR GOD AREN’T YOU GLAD NABLOPOMO IS OVER.

29 Nov 2008

Sigh.

Written by sally @ 3:41 pm — Section: sally

NaBloPoMo blows.

28 Nov 2008

Work of Fart.

Written by sally @ 3:39 pm — Section: Uncategorized

So Larry calls me and says, “Get a piece of paper and a pen.” Ok. “Write this down.” Ok. “WKO” (pause) “FART.”

–WKO FART?
–Yep.
–What the hell does wko mean?
–Don’t know.

5 minutes later the phone rings again.

“Oh,” Larry says. “It’s ‘work of art’. Not WKO FART.”

27 Nov 2008

Thanks, Spike.

Written by sally @ 7:06 am — Section: Uncategorized

Today I give thanks for Spike, whose presence has allowed me to have both my parents and my in laws over for Thanksgiving dinner without crying or having to eat a few xanax. This is unprecedented.

26 Nov 2008

Just Wondering.

Written by sally @ 6:57 am — Section: Uncategorized

I often have weird thoughts before I go to sleep. Last night I was arguing with myself over which was worse: diarrhea or a backache. We did not come to a conclusion. Thoughts?

25 Nov 2008

Ten Reasons Today is Not Awesome.

Written by sally @ 2:32 pm — Section: Uncategorized

It’s not a bad day, just not a great one. Here is a list why.

1. Right eye was stuck shut this morning. Am wearing glasses and no eye makeup.
2. Due to blurred vision, chose unfortunate maroon pants that were washed with something linty and dried hanging up when the dryer was broken last week.
3. Paired unfortunately linty pants with a brown and white striped sweater. Not that cute together.
4. Because the shoes I wore yesterday ate a hole in my heel, am wearing mom-ish slip-on sneakers.
5. Was running late and forgot to look at hair while styling. (Yes. This is possible.)
6. Ate disappointing salad for lunch.
7. Only have boring projects to work on.
8. Took home the book I could totally sit here and read today under the guise of doing research.
9. Am jealous of those whose Thanksgiving holidays have already started.
10. Am mad that those whose Thanksgiving holidays have already started are not on their computers and therefore are not sharing things on Google Reader.

If I think of anything else I will let you know.

(I feel inclined to point out a few good things, just for balance: there is NO ONE here today, so I don’t have to pretend to look busy; the baby slept through the night last night; Larry changed his gmail status message to “Larry Ferrari is proudly married to Liz Lemon”; I got the brownies I won in the bet!)

23 Nov 2008

Seriously, I Wrote This on Sunday. Which is Today.

Written by sally @ 9:33 am — Section: Uncategorized

Because I am writing this on Sunday, I don’t exactly know how I know that tonight I will have an anxiety dream about being in the worst laid-out Wal-Mart ever (the produce was on the same aisle as the measuring spoons). I guess I’m psychic!

22 Nov 2008

And the Least Flattering Vanity Tag Goes To…

Written by sally @ 8:25 pm — Section: Uncategorized

MSPIGGY

(who was getting her shop on at TJ Maxx today)

21 Nov 2008

Her Blood Type is AB! And So is Pat’s!

Written by sally @ 7:11 pm — Section: Uncategorized

A few days ago I was chatting online with Mix and I interrupted myself to tell her to turn on Wheel of Fortune because Vanna’s outfit was particularly hideous. (Speaking of Vanna, the trivia on her imdb page is not to be missed!) A minute ago I had Wheel of Fortune on (shut up, I’m old) and tonight Vanna was wearing a pantsuit get up that had a sleeveless brocade top with orange sherbet-colored flowing pants. I didn’t have my cellphone handy so I googled Mix’s husband’s name to get their home phone number. I called, left a message about the orange sherbet and the flowingness, and then I hung up and looked again at the Google result.

Then I realized I had just called her in laws’ house.

I am certain that Mix’s in laws are very nice people, but once Mix told me that they thought the only pizza available in the world was a pepperoni pizza — there were no other toppings, ever — and now I am certain that the message I left them is going to send them into a panicked tailspin of confusion.

20 Nov 2008

Consider Yourself Lucky I Don’t Do This More Often.

Written by sally @ 5:46 pm — Section: Uncategorized

I haven’t done any of the standard, boring “here is what I did today” posts in awhile, so here goes.

The baby is sick again (ear infection, as usual — he is headed for tubes pretty quickly here) so I was at home with him. He’s been in a pretty great mood all day, so that means he was engaged in his usual activities: rolling on the floor and trying to remove all the skin from my face with his tiny, steel fingers. Gorjus came over for lunch (I only offer my guests the finest of meals: today we had grilled cheese) and then we watched a couple of Law and Orders. Then Spike and I went for a walk because it was the most beautiful day today, and then Spike went to bed, and then I discovered that the dryer died, and then I discovered that Pete thinks Knock the Baby Clothes Off the Drying Rack is a super fun game, and then I put some new potatoes in the oven to roast and then I wrestled with a giant piece of salmon that I thought was cut into pieces but was not cut into pieces, and now here I am. On the couch.

I anticipate that I will do the following things with the rest of my evening:
–eat dinner, possibly with apologies for how I prepared the salmon
–watch 30 Rock
–bathe a cute baby
–go to bed at a Matlock-appropriate time

If any of these things change, I will be sure and let you know.

That is all.

19 Nov 2008

EVNGLCL.

Written by sally @ 8:26 pm — Section: Uncategorized

PRAZHIM
GZUS4US

18 Nov 2008

Stuff for Tuesday.

Written by sally @ 3:21 pm — Section: Uncategorized

1. MSSEXYS
2. EYEZOPN
3. On punch ladle at staff function:
PERSONALLY OWN
BY SUSIE BROWN
JACKSON, MS 39202
PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH

Let us discuss #3. “Personally own” is comedy gold, but the city, state, and zip with no actual address is comedy platinum studded with diamonds. And the addition of “please do not touch [this ladle you are currently touching]” sends this into the outer space of hilarity.

17 Nov 2008

Don’t Forget Gabby!

Written by sally @ 4:48 pm — Section: Uncategorized

This afternoon I found this intricate chart regarding an episode of Judge Hatchett that I wrote out a few years ago. I have studied this extensively trying to figure it out and feel I have a good grasp of it now.

marlon

16 Nov 2008

Welcome, Teethlets.

Written by sally @ 3:24 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Spike is teething! The exclamation point means OH NO HE IS TEETHING. As I write this he is in my lap moaning. Occasionally he gives me a dirty look. Yesterday he was chomping on my finger and I felt the first of the teethlets, which was very exciting and sort of sad, as I would like Spike to remain at the stage he’s in indefinitely, thank you. Then the poop started, the legendary teething poop, and now we have an unhappy customer with diaper rash and sore gums and HE IS LOOKING AT ME AGAIN.

15 Nov 2008

Oh, LARRY.

Written by sally @ 9:40 pm — Section: sally

Tonight I went into the kitchen to clean up after the dinner Larry made and on the counter was the block of cheddar cheese he used to top our turkey burgers. People, it was the moldiest, greenest block of cheese in the history of all moldy green cheese blocks. I didn’t say anything and just threw it away.

Later, he admitted that he hadn’t used that cheese at all, but had merely staged it so that I’d think I ate old penicillic cheese. He even sliced an extra piece and left it and the knife on the cutting board. Between this kind of thing — which happens a lot, friends; see also: the condom that suddenly appeared on my bedside table and that also has a May 2006 expiration date on it* — and my various quirks, Spike doesn’t have a chance of growing up to be a normal human.

*This is the first I’m acknowledging the condom.

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