29 Sep 2008

Oh, Wow.

Written by sally @ 4:39 pm — Section: sally

Well, it’s finally happened. I have been writing exaggerated caricatures of people for four years on this website and today I wrote something about someone who I love — and who I did not know read this site. I am mortified beyond belief. I don’t know if she read it or not, but if she did, please know I AM SO SORRY AND KIND OF WANT TO DIE RIGHT NOW.

24 Sep 2008

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Nugget.

Written by sally @ 3:50 pm — Section: Uncategorized

1. I often wake up in the middle of the night when the baby breathes hard or flutters his eyelids, and a certain word or phrase or name will inexplicably be in my head. Lucy McGillicuddy, circumflex, perhaps bespattered. Last night it was: Kliban cat.

2. I don’t know what my problem is, but Top Model is on my nerves. That stuff last week when Tyra was the fairy godmother with creepy whited out eyes? I didn’t even find it ridiculously amusing. I know. I should take more naps. And oh god, watching Isis try to fold her poor bony body into a pose that would hide her penis was just torture, and not in a good “bitch poured beer on my weave” kind of way.

3. Project Runway: do I love anyone? Not really. Korto, kind of, Jarrell, not at all, Kenley, please.

4. True Blood: Bill is hot, Anna Paquin’s accent grates on my nerves less every week, and the sets — the sets are fucking fantastic. They’ve nailed the trashy south perfectly! Which is essentially what the plot line is every week as well.

5. I recently came across this superstition, allegedly common in rural Pike County in the 1920s: “[R]ub the gums of a new-born baby with the raw brains of a rabbit and he will cut teeth easily.” Oh, weird poor southern people of yesteryear, you make me sick.

6. There is a girl who walks her dog past my house, but “walk” doesn’t aptly describe it. She prances. She is often wearing a cotton dress one could actually describe as a frock if one was in the mood to use such a word, and takes steps like the girls in drill team used to do: toe-heel, not heel-toe. I imagine that she imagines herself in a romantic comedy, perhaps one where she is an editorial assistant at a fashion magazine.

7. Spike is kind of a snotty baby — he always has that back of his head rattly congestion sound. We have a humidifier for his room, we use the suction bulb, we’ve elevated his mattress so his head is raised a little, but nothing really works.

PEOPLE. UNTIL NOW.

Larry bought this thing…this snot-sucking thing. It’s called the Nose Frida. It’s a little hose; you stick one end on the outside of baby’s nose and um, then you suck on the other end. You know. With your mouth. It sounds horrifying, I know! But there is a filter you will not get snot in your mouth and people: it works. Visit the hilarious gallery of nose-sucking mommies here. (With each purchase, you also receive a charming sunshade for your car window that says, “Swedish hoses for stuffy noses.”)

Because I do a lot of things for the baby — for instance, I carried him and then gave him birth — I do not use the Nose Frida. That is purely something between Spike and Larry. I am comfortable relinquishing control in this arena.

8. On Friday I will be going to D.C. for my annual trip, and wow am I not looking forward to leaving Spike for the weekend. I’m taking tomorrow off to hang out with him, to clean the house (my in-laws are coming in to assist Larry with baby duties), and to write elaborate lists of instructions about how to do things. I’m sure Larry’s going to do great, but I am really going to miss rocking that fat, freshly bathed, bejammied baby to sleep each night.

9-13. Sorry, suckers! I’ve run out of steam.

19 Sep 2008

Tag Update.

Written by sally @ 11:57 am — Section: Uncategorized

1. SHOWOFF
Bonus: the back window displays the following in the always classy Brush Script MT font

HOW U RIDE
?

2. EINSTIN

17 Sep 2008

The Devil’s Casserole.

Written by sally @ 9:27 am — Section: Uncategorized

On Sunday I made a casserole. Casseroles, on the whole, are tasty and relatively easy, right? One-dish meals and all. This casserole, however, was not just the devil, but it was the devil when the devil had a really bad day and maybe got a flat tire and a parking ticket and his girlfriend broke up with him and he cut himself grooming his goatee. Chicken Poblano Casserole, I bite my thumb at you. It looks so innocent, so flavorful, so full of potential. I should’ve gone through and counted how many bowls/pans/BLENDERS I would need before I started (and should’ve read the reviews as well). Let us take a look:

Preheat broiler.

Cut poblanos and bell pepper in half lengthwise; discard seeds and membranes. CUTTING BOARD Place poblanos and bell pepper, skin sides up, on a foil-lined baking sheet; flatten with hand. BAKING SHEET Place corn on baking sheet. NOTE FRESH CORN; REQUIRES SHUCKING/DEALING WITH THOSE STRANDY HAIR THINGIES Broil 10 minutes or until poblanos and bell pepper are blackened and corn is lightly browned. Place poblanos and bell pepper in a zip-top plastic bag; BAGGIE seal. Let stand 10 minutes. Peel and coarsely chop; CUTTING BOARD set poblanos and bell pepper aside separately. TWO BOWLS/PLATES/WHATEVER FOR SEPARATION OF ITEMS Remove corn kernels from cobs. BOWL OR SOMETHING TO HOUSE CORN

Lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. CUP AND KNIFE Place flour, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and black pepper in a large saucepan. SAUCEPAN Gradually add milk, stirring with a whisk. WHISK Cook over medium heat until slightly thick (about 12 minutes), stirring constantly. STIRRING CONSTANTLY FOR 12 MINUTES? I HAVE AN INFANT Remove from heat. Combine 1 cup milk mixture and poblanos in a blender; process until smooth. OMG THE BLENDER KILL ME Stir pureed poblano mixture into remaining milk mixture.

Combine bell pepper, corn, remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1 cup Mexican cheese, red onion, cilantro, eggs, and ricotta. ANOTHER BOWL I AM RUNNING OUT OF BOWLS

Coat bottom of a 13 x 9-inch baking dish with cooking spray. BAKING DISH Spread 1/2 cup sauce in bottom of dish. Arrange 6 tortillas over sauce, overlapping slightly. Spread half of ricotta mixture over tortillas; top with half of chicken. WAIT CHICKEN I HAD TO COOK CHICKEN TOO: CUTTING BOARD FOR ONIONS COOKED WITH CHICKEN; SAUCEPAN Sprinkle with 1/3 cup green onions and 2/3 cup Mexican cheese. Pour about 1 cup sauce over cheese. Repeat layers with 6 tortillas, remaining ricotta mixture, remaining chicken, 1/3 cup green onions, 2/3 cup Mexican cheese, 1 cup sauce, and 6 tortillas. Pour remaining sauce over tortillas. Coat 1 side of foil with cooking spray. FOIL Place foil, coated side down, over casserole. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

Ok, so: that’s a lot of pans/trouble. And get this: with all of that going on, it’s fairly bland. Except for the stupid raw red onion, which is totally out of place. This dish is kind of like a mexican lasagne. What I do not want in the middle of my gooey, cheesy lasagne is to crunch down on a raw onion. And I love onions!

In the middle of all of this I also made a cheesecake, so add BOWL TO MELT BUTTER IN MICROWAVE, BOWL FOR GRAHAM CRACKER CRUST, BOWL TO SLIGHTLY SOFTEN CREAM CHEESE IN MICROWAVE, BOWL FOR BATTER, and PIE PLATE to the list of crap that was scattered across my kitchen counters. And that I had to wash. With my tears.

If I were a bigger nerd I would rename this recipe Chicken Poblano Asserole.

Hi.

Written by sally @ 2:06 am — Section: Uncategorized

It’s 1:54 am. I am up for the third time with Spike, who has an ear infection and a cough. The first two times I got up he went back to sleep the moment I picked him up; this time he decided to switch from pleasant gurglings, you know, hello, how’s the weather, into unexpected hunger shrieking. We both cried as I fixed his bottle. People, I am tired.

10 Sep 2008

The Serendipitous Frittata and Other Tales.

Written by sally @ 11:05 am — Section: Uncategorized

Yesterday I came across this Zucchini-Potato Frittata recipe and thought, hmm, that sounds good. What’s weird is that I had all the ingredients at home. How often do you happen to have zucchini, canadian bacon, and potatoes at home? I was already defrosting a meatloaf for dinner last night (god, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? a defrosted meatloaf? it sounds like what the Cratchits eat) and thought, oh, I will make that delicious-sounding frittata another day even thought it is totally serendipitous that I have the ingredients and maybe the universe is telling me something because that is totally the way I think about things due to the fact that I am a transcendentalist at heart. I got home, took the meatloaf out of the fridge, and discovered that it was actually a giant, loaf-shaped block of chicken spaghetti. Therefore, the universe wanted me to make the frittata and I obeyed. And lord, was it good. Next time I am putting it in a pie crust for additional starchy goodness.

Spike is officially rocking a combover these days. While he still has tons of hair (we are still getting the “what hair!” from strangers), it is nothing like what he had in the glory days. However, the fact that he can hold his head up, wrap his chubby arms around my neck, and pinch the shit out of me is a great trade-off. A few weeks ago we got the go-ahead from the pediatrician to start solids, and I was totally expecting Spike, o he of the giant thighs, to embrace actual food like a champ. Nope. He wants nothing to do with it. We’ve tried different things every few days like you’re supposed to, and everything has been a disaster. His spit-it-out-it’s-gross reflex is still really strong, so despite the fact that he is wearing 9-12 month clothes, he is still a tiny baby at heart.

The other day I was in Ross looking at the book section (which has approximately 20 books) and there was another lady standing next to me. There was a pile of 4 books between us. I picked up the top book to see what it was (something about vegetarian cooking). I put it down, and then the lady moved the entire pile to the other side of her. I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, was that your pile?” thinking that she had made a pile of things to buy and I was recklessly pawing through it. “No,” she said. “I was just moving it.” OH. Just…moving it. Out of my reach. How sweet. Because I am a bad person, my internal monologue went from “look, there is a lady looking at a Rocco de Spirito cookbook for $6.99” to “STUPID FAT LADY I HATE YOUR GUTS. ALSO I AM BUYING THE ROCCO DE SPIRITO BOOK FOR MY MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE THE ORIGINAL PRICE WAS $35 AND THAT IS A GREAT DEAL.”