30 Nov 2007

Friday.

Written by sally @ 7:59 am — Section: sally

Today we are headed to Memphis so that Larry can run his first marathon tomorrow! I have rented a stretcher and will be waiting at the finish line.

29 Nov 2007

Thursday.

Written by sally @ 10:33 am — Section: sally

Aw, man, I forgot to post today. It seems that I was way more devoted to writing every day when it was self-imposed. Interesting.

In other news, did you know I am cursed with remembering only the birthdays of people I knew 15-20 years ago? Happy birthday to the boy I dated for one month in 1989 today!

And happy birthday to my high school boyfriend’s brother tomorrow.

27 Nov 2007

Just a Note.

Written by sally @ 9:14 am — Section: sally

I had a dream the other night that the previous owner of my baby (don’t ask, dream logic) named her Lyn Fag.

26 Nov 2007

Tee Vee Overload!

Written by sally @ 10:09 pm — Section: Uncategorized

I’m sure it’s just me, but whenever I hear the announcer say Samantha Who? I think he’s saying Samantha Hu.

Also, I am almost done catching up on ye olde* tivo, and I have to say that Project Runway could not be more awesome, the end of Grey’s Anatomy with Seth Green’s blood spattering all over the place made Larry laugh hysterically and ask, “Is this a comedy?”, and I have a feeling that the winner of Top Model is going to severely disappoint me this year, as I hate most of those bitches and there’s no way Heather will win if she can’t speak.

*Did you know this is pronounced “the old”? I know. So disappointing.

25 Nov 2007

Sunday.

Written by sally @ 8:56 pm — Section: sally

I am so not writing this from the future. It’s Sunday evening and I am glad to be home. I’m also glad that my mother bought some sombrero ornaments that I will later put on Pete’s head, but mostly I am glad to be home.

24 Nov 2007

Saturday.

Written by sally @ 8:47 pm — Section: sally

Because I am writing this from the future, I hope that the following things happen today:

–we take a carload of books and cds to Half Price Books and get an amazing $85 IN CASH for our discards
–we go to Ikea armed with two $10 off coupons and emerge with three bags of stuff for UNDER SIX DOLLARS
–we watch my brother eat 9 dinner rolls, and with one of them in his hand, listen to him tell us about how he has given up white bread.

Here’s hoping!

Friday.

Written by sally @ 7:58 am — Section: sally

Happy day after Thanksgiving! Because I am writing this from the future, I hope I find a really cute jacket to wear to my cousin’s wedding in a few weeks, and I hope my mother buys it for me. I also hope I get to eat at Taco Bueno. Here’s hoping!

Thursday.

Written by sally @ 7:56 am — Section: sally

Happy Thanksgiving! Because I am totally writing this from the future, I hope I will not eat so much that I spend the rest of the day rolling around and moaning. I also hope my mother’s dinner guests will not be exceptionally boring and will not discuss one subject each at length (him: antique cars; her: her ailing father). Here’s hoping!

21 Nov 2007

Wednesday.

Written by sally @ 7:53 am — Section: sally

We are headed to Big G today for a long Thanksgiving weekend. Because I am totally writing this from the future, before the trip, I hope the trip won’t take an extra hour because I have to stop and pee approximately every 23 minutes. Here’s hoping!

20 Nov 2007

A Phone Conversation.

Written by sally @ 10:14 am — Section: sally

Gorjus (driving): Here’s a license plate for you.
Sally: Ok.
Gorjus: You know, “sweetpea” is a cute word. It’s appropriate for a tag.
Sally: Yes.
Gorjus: But not if you spell it PEE.
Sally: What! Sweet pee? How is “sweet” spelled?
Gorjus: S-w-t.
Sally: SWT PEE? Maybe that’s not sweet pee. Maybe it’s sweat pee.
Gorjus: Maybe the guy works in a lab and deals with fluids.
Sally: It’s like Lust, Caution. Sweat, pee.

19 Nov 2007

Open Letters to Six People.

Written by sally @ 11:03 am — Section: sally

Dear Modern Letter Project People I Was Supposed to Get a Letter From in September, October, and November:

You suck.

Love,
Sally

Dear Modern Letter Project People I Was Supposed to Get a Response From Because I Wrote Your Asses in September, October, and November:

You suck worse.

Love,
Sally

18 Nov 2007

Wait.

Written by sally @ 11:03 am — Section: sally

No, I was wrong. Sunday is the saddest blogging day. My apologies.

17 Nov 2007

Saturday, the Saddest Blog Day.

Written by sally @ 11:44 am — Section: sally

Wait, what’s that? You want to know what all I did today? Ok, then, in the spirit of boring blogs everywhere, here is a brief list:

–watched two episodes of Clean House
–ate an Egg McMuffin
–drove around the neighborhood sneering at various garage sale offerings
–went to Lowe’s
–went to Target
–ate a shrimp poboy
–watched Law and Order: Criminal Intent
–went to bed at 9:30

Fascinating!

16 Nov 2007

Nuggets I Have Collected in a Tiny Notebook in My Purse.

Written by sally @ 10:26 am — Section: Uncategorized

1. I was buying this hilariously useless product at Tuesday Morning the other day — purely because it was $2.99, and for $2.99 I will buy almost anything that claims to magically clean things, especially with battery power and by the way, did you notice that in the picture, it’s picking up chicken salad off of maroon carpet? Wouldn’t you buy it too? I tried making it slurp up spaghetti off my plate last night and uh, let’s just say it didn’t work — and the lady who was checking me out had 8 piercings in her right ear and 9 in her left. I know this because I asked.

2. Apparently a month ago the good people of Fred’s had a going away dinner for a long-time manager, and Toby made a casserole, and people are still talking about it. I asked about this, too. It had penne (pronounced penny, btw), chicken, and broccoli, and that broccoli was just so perfect. I wonder if salespeople get tired of me asking questions when they are clearly intent on ignoring me and having their own conversations.

3. I was pumping gas the other day and while it was filling up I cleaned out my car. I threw away lots of wadded up napkins and straw wrappers and water bottles, and when I went back to the pump to check on it, it had filled my car up with $.71 of gas. SEVENTY-ONE CENTS. In two minutes. I’ve never put $.71 on my debit card before. I bet it’s going to look hilarious on my bank statement.

4. Yesterday in the doctor’s office, this lady sat directly next to me (even though there were plenty of chairs elsewhere), made a loud phone call, and then took out an empty water bottle and spit into it. I was not impressed.

5. I also overheard this conversation in the waiting room (different person):

No, Mama, no. Uh-uh. The pills they say she overdosed on? I picked those up for her on Sunday. They only gave me 10 of them.

I need more information.

15 Nov 2007

Models, Designers, and Dresses That Poo Fabric.

Written by sally @ 3:22 pm — Section: Uncategorized

So, Top Model and Project Runway in one delicious night!

First, though, Top Model is on my nerves right now. It is not rocking my world. Watching some bitches try to piss off an autistic girl who generally kicks their asses modeling-wise is not fun to watch, especially (as Lucy pointed out in an email earlier) when all of them have fucked up hair. Saleisha, your hair is not fashion-forward. It is the same haircut that DOCTOR BAILEY has on Grey’s Anatomy. Seriously. Also: do you remember that old Reach toothbrush commercial where the guy has a flip-top head? I think Bianca has one.

However, I enjoyed the PR-esque designer challenge on Top Model. I can never tell: is that stealing, or is it an homage?

So: Project Runway. What are there, 50 designers this season? Those apartment doors kept opening and designers kept pouring in. Since there are too many to keep track of, let me say that my obvious unfavorite is the hippie who made the dress that inspired Heidi to say “it looks like the dress is pooing fabric.” As if I didn’t hate her enough when she was making grass stains on her fabric — THEN she has to go and make a hideous dress, and then during judging melt off into a hippie wonderland where garments turn into haiku. I don’t like the dude who won, but I am hoping that he is a one-trick draping pony and will fail miserably next week. I liked Christian and the super-tubby guy but hated any dress that featured necklaces dangling off of it.

Mrs. Floon called this morning and was distraught over there not being a more challenging first challenge — bring on the corn husks, Austin Scarlett! — but I think many of the designers in previous seasons have hidden behind the fact that the challenges create unnatural designing situations, and oh, if only they could do whatever they wanted, they would blow the judges away. Maybe they got this potential away-blowing out of the way now so everyone knows what people are capable of. You know. Like making ugly dresses.

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