29 Aug 2007

Maybe Britney Will Say “Just Kidding” Tomorrow.

Written by sally @ 2:47 pm — Section: sally

1. I sent out a gigantor amount of emails yesterday to publicize an upcoming event (happen to be an English teacher in Mississippi? email me!) and got a response from someone who said “Hey Sally! Did you get a new job? How long have you been doing this?” I figured she had the wrong person but answered her question anyway. Then she responded — not with “oops, wrong person” or “sorry dude,” but with “just kidding.” People: “just kidding” does not mean “omg I had you confused with someone else.”

2. Have you seen these pictures of Britney’s butt? It’s not cute. Maybe she’s trying to spread the word that it’s ok to have cellulite, but if I wanted to see cellulite, I have my own personal go-to source.

3. I was looking at a book today and as I flipped through the first few pages, I noticed this:

By the same author:
ART FOR SPASTICS

27 Aug 2007

Dust to Dust, Mold to Mold.

Written by sally @ 11:14 am — Section: sally

So my quest for world domination through cleaning my house continued this weekend as I cleaned out from under our bed — Larry was out of town and I find it best to have these sorts of cleaning spasms while he is elsewhere. It would’ve been nice, however, to have had another human in the house to see the horrible thing I found under there. (more…)

23 Aug 2007

Cheese of My Heart.

Written by sally @ 10:06 am — Section: sally

So we just got a new microwave — because we just got a new stove, and the old sad crusty microwave looming above the shiny pretty new stove looked like ass, and also, we are products of our society, slippery slope, et cetera — and it has several fancy buttons on it, like a magic potato button that just bakes a potato without any thought on your part, but also: there is also a magic SNACKS button. There are six SNACKS that it will magically heat up, but my heart stopped when I read #6: cheese dip. People: I have a Ro-tel button on my microwave.

20 Aug 2007

Street Fair Sommeliers.

Written by sally @ 11:59 am — Section: Uncategorized

• You should probably go here and vote for your top 5 favorite Mississippi buildings. (Mine, in case you care: Eudora Welty house, Lamar Life Building, Bailey High School, Windsor Ruins, and Fountainhead.)

• I watched four episodes of Flight of the Conchords this weekend. Jemaine is my new boyfriend and also, the humans are dead. (Sniff this one, it’s dead.)

• Saturday night, Gorjus and I volunteered to sell wine at Bright Nights, Belhaven Nights. People: if you saw a big sign that said “Wine — $3.00” would you think that you’re getting really, really good wine? Someone actually asked what region of Italy it came from. My standard answer to all wine questions was “um, it’s street fair wine.” Also, a friend came by and was sincerely confused about why I was selling wine under a tent. He thought that maybe Gorjus and I had forsaken our normal careers for the ragamuffin life of street fair sommeliers. After I explained that no, we were just volunteers, then he got really confused because the tent we were selling wine under said Cellular South and he thought that maybe we had quit our jobs to devote ourselves to cell phone sales.

• Can someone talk me into reading the rest of Eat, Pray, Love? I really want to like this book. Really. I know this sounds stupid, but there is something about her overuse of simile that gets on my nerves.

17 Aug 2007

Apparently I Can Only Write Lists Now.

Written by sally @ 9:35 am — Section: Uncategorized

1. A coworker was just looking up something about Cap’n James Cook and had a biography of him on her desk. Then I saw that the author’s name was J.C. Beaglehole. I just thought you should know.

2. Re: Top Chef. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I thought Dale’s tuna burger topped with an egg looked like it was sent from heaven after being lovingly shaped by the hands of Julia Child.

3. You know what show I really like watching when I’m tired and sort of bored with the world? Ninja Warrior. I don’t know what’s better, watching people attempt to run across some rolling barrels or reading the English translations of the Japanese commentators (He is crawling for his life like a giant baby!) or hearing the crowd scream and laugh with delight when someone falls off of some bizarre, revolving contraption into the water below.

14 Aug 2007

The News.

Written by sally @ 8:48 pm — Section: sally

NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS NEWS

1. It’s really hot outside.

2. It appears that Corneus, god of vision, has been angered by something I have done. I got my new contacts, and everything was fine until the left one started acting screwy and I had to get a new one (special order equals 3-4 days), and then the right one started being screwy and I had to get a new one of those, too (add another 3-4 days). So today I am back in the doctor’s office and the new right one is rocking away in my eye just fine, and he goes to wash my left one before sticking it in my eye (he really likes to be the one to stick the contact in my eye), and it BREAKS IN HALF. I know soft contacts tear pretty easily, but hard contacts — especially two week old hard contacts — are not supposed to BREAK IN HALF. I generally keep my contacts for 7-8 years at a time and during that time I usually end up dropping them on the floor or behind the sink or sticking them in my mouth for safekeeping as I drive home from work after one of them has messed up, and I can tell you that I have never had one BREAK IN HALF. Instead of doing what a sane person would do, such as saying, “It’ll only be 3-4 more days until I will have a replacement! Even though this contact BROKE IN HALF, I am sure that it was a fluke and that I will not be sold defective contacts that spontaneously BREAK IN HALF!” Instead, I burst into tears and in my warbly cry voice I used the phrase “BREAKS IN HALF” no fewer than 5 times. Kind of like this paragraph.

3. I made stir fry tonight.

Score Tonight.

Written by sally @ 10:17 am — Section: sally

I wish I could tell you I had many grand adventures over the weekend, but basically I did housework. The sad thing is, it was fun.

Our living room is sort of a cave of darkness, despite windows and lamps, so much so that one day Gorjus came over and when I opened the door I was blinking like a mole because the sun was so bright. And it was 7:30 in the evening.

I have been looking for a decent lamp for a few months but hate everything that is remotely in my price range. Everything I can afford screams “college lamp” to me. But then! I remembered that gathering dust behind the dead television that is also gathering dust were two um, interesting lamps my mother brought me. They are made from bowling pins. You know. Like you do.

So this weekend I bought two lampshades and people, there is light! Coming out of a bowling pin! I also hung a mirror in the dining room (where the other bowling pin lamp went) and generally picked up and put away the household detris that floats in from space (subscription cards for magazines I already subscribe to, slippers, an abandoned library book, etc) and now it is like I have a new house. A new house with bowling pin lamps. They kind of remind me of the leg lamp in A Christmas Story.

Oh, and then last night I really got wild and cleaned out the armoire and the cedar chest. I know! Hold me back! I have big plans later this week to pull out everything that’s under the guest room bed.

11 Aug 2007

Best Pete Ever!

Written by sally @ 9:09 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Dear Internets,

bestpeteever3.jpg

You’re welcome.

Love,
Sally

10 Aug 2007

Total Eclipse of the Nugget.

Written by sally @ 9:47 am — Section: Uncategorized

• Vanity tag:

2L8IONE

I first read this as too late, Ione [Skye], but then I got it. (more…)

7 Aug 2007

Stuff! It’s What’s For Dinner.

Written by sally @ 9:54 am — Section: Uncategorized

Hello, blog. I have neglected you. (more…)

2 Aug 2007

Query.

Written by sally @ 7:33 am — Section: sally

Dear Internet,

Who is the asshole here:

a. the wife whose cell phone beeps continuously through the night, waking up the husband

or

b. the husband who goes to the trouble of plugging in his wife’s cell phone, but does so apparently while making a peanut butter sandwich, thus getting peanut butter on the phone?

Your input is needed.

Love,
Sally

1 Aug 2007

The Two Mrs. Carrolls: A Thrill-less Synopsis.

Written by sally @ 4:45 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Last night I watched this movie called The Two Mrs. Carrolls, which stars Humphrey Bogart and Barbara Stanwyck. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was hilarious. Oh man, especially the ending. (more…)