30 Mar 2007

Self-Portrait.

Written by sally @ 2:09 pm — Section: sally

This is what I look like today. (more…)

29 Mar 2007

WOOoooOOOOOooo National Poetry Month!

Written by sally @ 6:54 pm — Section: sally

Guess what happens this Sunday? National Poetry Month begins! Getcher hot, fresh poems right here!

26 Mar 2007

Return of the Nuggets.

Written by sally @ 12:21 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Five, count ’em, five nuggets. (more…)

23 Mar 2007

Ellen Douglas and Debra Winger: Together at Last.

Written by sally @ 3:46 pm — Section: Uncategorized

So far the past few days I’ve been at the Oxford Conference for the Book. Yesterday Ellen Douglas was on a panel, and while I would estimate that she is roughly 400 years old, she is also adorable and was wearing a barrette in her hair like a girl. She also kept forgetting she was holding the microphone and would let it slowly fall to the table. Kind of hilarious. This year’s conference is all about Larry Brown, and so today we had a much bigger celebrity on a panel: Debra Winger, who starred in Big Bad Love (originally a book of Larry Brown short stories adapted by her husband, Arliss Howard, who was also on the panel). Here are my notes about Ms. Winger, copied directly from my notebook:

Debra Winger:
just ate three pills.
is wearing a peasant blouse.
has a loud voice.
looks like a normal person.
made shadow puppets on the screen.
is affectionate with her husband.
is thin.
is fidgety. [due to eating of three pills? discuss]
looks younger than you’d think.
plays with her hair a lot.
interrupts everyone.

21 Mar 2007

AI, DWTS, THP.

Written by sally @ 5:48 am — Section: sally

I caught a few minutes (ok, more like 90) of American Idol last night, and America, this year is sucking. I take back what I said about LaKisha Jones. Even before Simon told her her hair made her look 70, I hated that hair. I hated that song. I thought most of the song choices were gross (Blake Lewis) and boring (almost everyone else who chose a song it is obvious they had never heard before). And oh my god I sort of want Sanjaya Malakar to win based on the fact that small, Midwestern-looking preteens are crying in the audience over him.

I also watched part of Dancing with the Stars on Monday, where I could not tell who the famous people were because all the women looked exactly the same. Like whores. Except for Heather Mills, who looked like a whore at the circus. My hatred of her is on par with the hatred I must imagine that Stella McCartney must feel for her. I got all indignant Monday night and delivered an impassioned speech to Larry about HOW DARE SHE COME HERE and HOW DARE ABC UNDERESTIMATE AMERICA’S LOVE FOR PAUL McCARTNEY and I HATE HER and OH MY GOD SHE JUST CROSSED HER EYES AND MADE A FUNNY FACE I HATE HER. I was also moved so much by the way she was weirdly sitting that I told Larry that she looked like she was sitting on the toilet. . . in space. I don’t know what that means.

I am off early this morning (it is 5:47 am, for reals) to travel to a rural location and deliver an exciting three-hour presentation to some rural folk. It is going to be rad, if by “rad” you mean “oh god I have never talked for three hours in my life.” So that’s going to be awesome, but then afterwards I am going to Oxford for a few days for a conference, which might actually be awesome, like even irony-free awesome and everything.

20 Mar 2007

Hip Hip Birthday Hooray for Larry Ferrari!

Written by sally @ 9:14 am — Section: sally

This is the scene Larry came home from the gym to this morning:

yourock1.jpg

What an interesting cake, you may be thinking to yourself. That would be a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough baked in two 9″ round cake pans and stuck together with white icing. Like a gigantic cookie sandwich. If you are sharp-eyed you can also see the “33” sparklers that we’ll light tonight. Whee!

Happy birthday, Larry!

18 Mar 2007

Why I Live in the South.

Written by sally @ 7:40 pm — Section: Uncategorized

I’m going into the grocery store and a woman (who has just loaded her things into her car) starts talking to me:

Did you see that guy that just went in? He followed me through the store and then stood outside watching me. I wanted you to be aware of him. You have the most beautiful black hair! Look at your black hair! My grandmother had hair like that. They called her the Belle of Raleigh. She had black, black hair, and fair skin, and green eyes, and they called her the Belle of Raleigh! People still talk about how beautiful she was because she was the only one in town to have that black, black hair. Then my mama came along and had beautiful auburn hair, and then she was the Belle of Raleigh. And then I came along and looked just like my daddy! Have a good one!

16 Mar 2007

MLP 1, Sally 0.

Written by sally @ 9:43 am — Section: Uncategorized

Dear Whoever’s Supposed to Write Me a Letter in the Modern Letter Project:

WHERE IS MY LETTER.

Love,
Sally

P.S. Has anyone gotten theirs?

15 Mar 2007

Nuggets: Now with Extra Nug.

Written by sally @ 10:35 am — Section: Uncategorized

• I got sucker punched in the ice cream aisle of the grocery store the other day and ended up buying a pint of A&W Root Beer Float ice cream. I imagined that the root beer portion would somehow be icy and crunchy, like in a real root beer float, but sadly, there are just mounds of brown, root beer-flavored ice cream swirled in with some vanilla. It’s weird. Not awful, but weird. (more…)

14 Mar 2007

WOOOooooo American Idol Top 12.

Written by sally @ 9:38 am — Section: Uncategorized

I haven’t watched since the very beginning of the bad singer rounds, so this was a big night. Not watching the weeks leading up to this has given me a skewed sense of how good these people are supposed to be: I thought that they would be good. (more…)

13 Mar 2007

Dear Internet Sartorial Geniuses.

Written by sally @ 4:09 pm — Section: sally

Can you please explain the rules regarding corduroy, the wearing of, in terms of it being March and yet 80 degrees outside? It’s technically still winter, so I feel that corduroy is appropriate, and yet it is 80 degrees, in which case corduroy is not appropriate. If you could also speak to whether these general corduroy rules apply specifically to corduroy miniskirts, perhaps even pink ones, I would appreciate it.

Valley Girl: A Partial Like Synopsis.

Written by sally @ 10:12 am — Section: Uncategorized

Last night I started watching the underrated teen movie Valley Girl. Why have I seen Sixteen Candles 800 times but have only seen Valley Girl once? Oh, I know: because its awesomeness is hard to handle. (more…)

12 Mar 2007

Love Thy Federline.

Written by sally @ 10:00 am — Section: sally

Our next-door neighbor has a boarder living in her basement/apartment thing who is a total Federline. The only thing missing are the 9 children and the giant diamond earrings. He sits in his low-rider truck and lets it run for HOURS. (Seriously, the other night he sat out in his loud-ass, no-muffler-having low-rider for three hours.) Saturday I kicked all his empty Skoal containers from in front of our house up into the neighbor’s yard. I can handle the regular trash he throws into the street, but I draw the line at Skoal containers.

Yesterday his girlfriend came over and they sat in her car playing rap music loud enough for us all to enjoy. Larry was pulling weeds and planting things while I stood around pretending to help. The girlfriend went to get something out of the trunk and I took a good look at her. She’s not nearly as skanky as I imagined, I said. Then she came back around to the passenger side and then started to dance. You know, in the street. It was the kind of dance one might see at a club or in a rap video — eyes closed, arms in the ay-uh, lots of humping — only in the middle of the day and in the middle of the street. Larry asked if I wanted to revise my statement.

9 Mar 2007

Miss Welty’s House.

Written by sally @ 11:30 am — Section: Uncategorized

Yesterday I got to go tour the Eudora Welty House, which I have to say was fairly amazing. Apparently it is the most authentic literary home in the world — there is only one piece of furniture that isn’t original. The rest of the furniture, artwork, books (oh, the books! there are 5,000 of them!), linens, china, dumb old lady doodads, Maker’s Mark bottles, and candy wrappers (the lady liked her bourbon and her candy) are all Eudora Welty’s. Her little glasses are sitting on a table in the living room. (more…)

7 Mar 2007

Gimmee an N! For Nuggets!

Written by sally @ 10:59 am — Section: Uncategorized

• I’ve reinstated the monthly lists over on the Vegetables sidebar to the right. (No, Beyonce, I said to the right.) Because my very smart blog wants to put things in alphabetical order, and because the months of the year are not in alphabetical order, I’ve gone with the deconstructionist “Month 1” for January, “Month 2” for February, et cetera. (more…)

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