On Monday when I took a totally unnecessary day off just because I could, I rearranged some furniture — one of my most favorite things to do, especially when no one is home to say “are you sure that’ll fit there? let’s measure first” — and in the process had to unload/reload a cabinet that houses all my cds. I found some I forgot I had, some I hadn’t loaded into iTunes (uh, is that the expression? “loaded into iTunes”? “uploaded to my computer”? wha?), and some that I thought were long gone. Along with a lot of empty cd cases that give me stress but that I’m trying not to think about. (more…)

I may have mentioned before that there is a lady at my workplace who sleeps at her desk. She is a topic of much conversation, but today my story about her snoozing trumps all previous talk: I was behind her at a red light a few minutes ago and had to honk to wake her up.

Speaking of my workplace, I don’t mean to disappoint, but I have heard no more talk about the talent show. I KNOW. It seems that there is a lack of interest on the subject. Go figure.

Gorjus has a pretty good contest going right now: guess the “meaning” of his Polaroid collage art thingie and he will give it to you.

Topics: Fred Willard overdose; Pernicing; an almost cat murder; television notes; and a letter to Britney. (more…)

For no real reason at all — except the fact that I have today off — here is a picture of one of the most frightening costumes of all time. I give you Sid and Nancy, circa 1998: (more…)

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Hello! The view here from my couch is fantastic!

Larry and I bought a laptop yesterday, and while I thought it was a good idea and all, it didn’t occur to me that I could be under a heated blanket on the couch watching tv and reading blogs at the same time. If only there were an endless supply of soft-shell crab sushi and key lime tarlets at my side, my life would be perfect right now.

(Ed. note: Be grateful I just deleted the paragraph about the episode of Clean House I just watched, with the dude who was an asshole about getting rid of his waterbed, kegerator, and dj equipment. You’ve been spared!)

If I weren’t tired and wanting to go lay down on the couch and watch Larry’s favorite nerd show, NUMB3RS, I would tell you about how I ran into my former boss at the Williams-Sonoma outlet today, and how even though I used to hate this person I also used to work very long hours with him in a very small office and when you do that with anyone you really get to know them. So that was fun.

Later, I’ll tell you about the worst thing I ever had to do on the job there, and also how once I was making out with an old guy in the kitchen of a restaurant while MY BOSS GIGGLED AND TOOK PICTURES OMG. Wait: maybe I won’t tell you about that.

Like I said: you really get to know someone when you work long hours in a small space.

Ooh, look! It’s totally still Thanksgiving, and I am totally not cheating and messing with the timestamp in Wordpress!

Anyway. Larry and Larry’s dad and Larry’s screaming brother Zippy and I went to see Casino Royale “today,” and I have to say that it was awesome. People: I do not enjoy James Bond movies. The girls are too stupid for me. But this! This was a real movie! Daniel Craig is a superhero, not a smarmy smart-ass who gets laid a lot (although Daniel Craig as Bond does, in fact, get laid a lot). Also: you should see the ass on this man. It is worth the money just to see him walk around in his perfectly fitted pants. At one point I thought to myself, those pants are so lucky. I would’ve leaned over and told Larry this thought, only the theatre was packed and I was sitting abobut 8 seats over from Larry and next to an old guy who sighed a lot.

That is your Thanksgiving weekend movie recommendation.

I was looking for a Polaroid this morning of me wearing the pilgrim outfit my mother made me in first grade, the one I had to wear to school. Let’s think: do people dress up for Thanksgiving? NO. Because I was in a homemade pilgrim outfit, I had to go to each classroom and let kids ask me questions about my voyage on the Mayflower, which sucked, as I had not prepared anything at all and so would just answer “it was fine” to these types of questions. Which obviously was not interesting or fun or anything for anyone.

But I couldn’t find that picture, so here’s one of my dad pulling my tooth while I scream and my brother ignores both of us. Happy Thanksgiving! (more…)

I was looking for someone’s obituary this morning and found this gem. I would be offended if I weren’t too busy laughing. (more…)

Today was our staff Thanksgiving lunch — don’t get excited; the talent show is at the Christmas lunch — and I walked away from it like I do all staff gatherings, exasperated and eager to hide under my desk. (more…)

I was going to post this thing I just wrote about my credit card debt, and how much I owed two years ago versus how much I owe now (I have paid off A LOT due to the fact that I don’t buy stuff unless I can answer “yes” to at least one of these questions: 1) is it 90% off? and 2) do I have a gift card here?), and isn’t that amazing, but I decided to delete it because the point was just to get you to go visit Obsessive Consumption, and to read about Kate in the NYT Magazine today. Go Kate! Go debt! Go acknowledging your debt in the most public way possible, thus owning your debt! Woo!

Coming back from lunch today the car in front of me had an awesome old-timey bicycle complete with basket and bell strapped to the trunk with a For Sale sign on it. It was $100. I’ve never seen for-sale bike strapped to a car before, and as I changed lanes and glanced over at the car again, I noticed that this man had plenty of other things for sale, all presumably stuffed into his car. He had a big sign in the back seat side window advertising the following:

– one mens suit, cuffed, $75
– one tire with less than 50 miles on it, $40
– one acoustic guitar with new strings, $60

There were other, smaller notes stuck up on the window as well, but the light changed, and then he turned right and I went straight.

I don’t really want to know why he’s selling his possessions out of his car, but I do want to know if he drives around all day hoping for a buyer, and if he unties the bicycle every night to avoid theft, and why he thinks anyone would want to purchase a used suit (for such a high price!) out of someone’s back seat.

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Yesterday I discovered that in our pantry, not only did we have four cans of black beans (?), 87 packages of various pastas, and lots and lots of Kool-Aid, but we also had some good old-fashioned botulism. A can of 1,000-year old tomato paste had started oozing bubbly black plague-like stuff. Not good.

I ended up throwing a ton of old stuff away, stuff that I know Larry had before we met, such as some opened (opened! for almost three years!) whole wheat spaghetti, a can of snails (mmm, SNAILS in a CAN*), and a can of soup that Larry must’ve bought in college: its expiration date was December 98. Before I threw it away I had to ask to make sure it wasn’t a special can, like perhaps a former girlfriend said to him, “I love you more than Campbell’s Healthy Choice Herbed Potato Soup,” and then she wanted to break up with him, but instead of saying “I want to break up” she just put the can of soup in the trash can and hoped he got the hint, which he did, OH DID HE EVER, and then he threw the can of soup threw the windshield of her car, but he said no, it was just an old can of soup. I’m glad I asked, though.

*Original title of Snakes on a Plane.**
**I totally just typed “Snacks of a Plan.”