Last Halloween I posted a list of all the costumes I’d worn over the years, and today I want to tell you that I was not kidding about being a clown for ten years. My mother, she bought one clown costume pattern and she used it well. (more…)
I’ll be out of town until Friday afternoon, but until then, can y’all think of a reason Larry would start sneezing every night around midnight? I change the sheets religiously every week and last weekend I vacuumed every inch of the house, including under the beds. (He had two sneeze-free nights in a row after I vacuumed.) I can’t figure out what it is that Larry’s allergic to, or why the allergicness hits him at midnight every night. I would guess it’s the cat, but the cat has lived here for a year and Larry’s midnight sneezing parties started about a month ago (and when Larry gets up to sleep on the couch, the cat follows him and sleeps on him there.) Suggestions?
I went to a meeting this morning. There was coffee brewing, and little styrofoam cups to put the coffee in, and a bowl full of various sweeteners, and A CAN OF EVAPORATED MILK TO USE AS CREAM OH MY GOD.
Am I missing something? Is this yet another trend that has passed me by?
In other news, during the meeting someone said, “Jackson is the hotbed of white supremacy” in the same offhand manner one might say “Jackson is a city of 180,000 people.” I tried to will myself to burst into flames, but it didn’t happen.
You will be happy to know that my brother, aficianado of all things fried and/or horrible, recently tried fried Coke at the Texas State Fair. (more…)
Larry and I are going to the Floon Twins’ first birthday party in a few weeks, and in classic Mrs. Floon fashion, it is also a Day of the Dead party. So there will be equal parts people-dressed-in-funny-famous-dead-people-costumes, and equal parts baby birthday party. The babies, not to be outdone, will potentially be dressed as Fred “Rerun” Berry and Don Knotts. (This has not been confirmed.)
Unlike some people, I do not have the perfect famous dead person idea at my fingertips. Larry, I have decided, is going to be Howard Hughes (long wig, pajamas, Kleenex boxes on feet, fake pee in a jar), but I haven’t decided on a costume. Gorjus has suggested I be Amelia Earhart or Joan of Arc, but I think they’re both too butch. There. I said it. Joan of Arc is butch.
Here are some of the items I have in my house that could be incorporated into a costume:
– tuxedo
– brownish-grey pageboy wig
– 70s Charlie’s Angels-esque wig, but it was actually my mom’s in the 70s and is sort of mashed
– coonskin cap
– elaborate beaded headscarf made for murder mystery party in which my character was named Mrs. Muhammad
– various fabric from previous costumes/projects
– many, many sets of iron-on letters
– sequins
– feathers
– hot glue
Some of the rules are: I don’t want to be ugly, I can’t be blonde, and I do not want to buy a pre-packaged costume. Any ideas?
It should surprise no one that I grew up with a heavy dose of Weird Al in my life. In fact, I knew “My Bologna” way before I ever heard “My Sharona” (and only listen to “My Sharona” now when it comes on the radio so I can sing these lines: never gonna stop / eat it up / such a tasty snack / I always eat too much and throw up) and wondered what song “The Brady Bunch” was ripping off (it’s “Safety Dance,” btw).
There’s a paean to Weird Al in Slate today, with links to you-tubed videos. If you are a dork, you’ll love it.
My dad told me once that when he was a freshman at Mississippi State, some upperclassmen shaved his head into a checkerboard pattern. I thought that was so cool, the essence of college life, and then I went to college one day and no one did anything remotely like that and I thought either he or I made the whole thing up. (more…)
Has anyone ever had to fire someone? I’m asking for TOTALLY NO REASON WHATSOEVER.
Saturday I went to see The Science of Sleep and Sunday I watched Jules et Jim. It’s like those French have a different word for everything. (more…)
While watching Numb3rs, the world’s nerdiest crime show:
Sally: That guy looks like a Bacon.
Larry: Is that your fancy name for pig?
So I was going to lunch today and as I turned into the parking lot, this dumb lady in a Jeep Liberty didn’t think she had to stop and therefore almost ran into me. I honked at her. You know, like people do to indicate DON’T CRASH YOUR JEEP LIBERTY INTO ME BECAUSE I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. We both pulled into the same area, and as I got out of my car I could feel her and her friend staring at me. We all marched along the sidewalk to the restaurant, me a few feet behind them, and she kept turning around to give me dirty looks. And then she did something that made my mouth drop open:
She kept pretending to scratch her back. With her middle finger.
This is by far the most awesome thing that has happened to me all week.
My mom found this nice cat, which she has called Fred, Fritz, Muffin, Carlos, Murphy, Beauregard, Lt. Dan, and now Tigger, but I think he looks exactly like Mary-Louise Parker: (more…)
Last night — before I was assaulted by the sight of that lady’s gravy and douche purchase — I thought to myself, what night is it again? And when my brain answered, Tuesday night, the phrase Tuesday night rollers followed along, and so I thought I would tell you this mediocrely interesting story that I automatically think of when I hear the words Tuesday night together. (more…)