31 May 2006

The Mayor of Crazytown…Literally.

Written by sally @ 8:18 am — Section: Uncategorized

Ok, ok, I know it’s getting old. But I am obsessed with Frank Melton, Jackson’s mayor, due to the fact that everything that comes out of his mouth is either insane, a bunch of lies, or both.

More on the stopping school buses to get hugs from children story:

1. He bragged recently that he has stopped five more school buses since the April 28 incident.
2. Then he denied it.
3. In response to someone citing the law that says, you know, DON’T STOP SCHOOL BUSES ON THE HIGHWAY TO HUG THE CHILDREN YOU FREAK, Melton said:

“I don’t care what some brain-dead person from the school district says,” Melton said Sunday. “I’m gonna stop a school bus anytime I see them on the street … anytime I feel like stopping them.”

Yeah! You go, Crazy!

Reminder: this is our mayor we’re talking about, not some colorful neighborhood hobo. THE MAYOR OMG WTF LOL.

30 May 2006

Craptivibe v. Captivate.

Written by sally @ 3:57 pm — Section: Uncategorized

If you’re going to get a personalized license plate, you should make sure that the word you want is available. Do not give in to the temptation of choosing alternate letters. Do not listen to your cousin who tells you, “if you squint and turn your head like this, it says [your word].” Your cousin is lying, and he is probably an asshole.

Because this:
CRPT1VB

is not the same thing as this:

CAPT1V8

Book Reports and My Idiot BFF Strikes Again!

Written by sally @ 11:15 am — Section: Uncategorized

I read all weekend, in between buying things at discounted prices. (more…)

28 May 2006

Pete’s Rules for Sunday.

Written by sally @ 12:03 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Sunday: the day of chewing on your sister’s feet while she looks on, disinterested: (more…)

27 May 2006

Five Days of Work, One Whole Day to Play.

Written by sally @ 11:52 am — Section: sally

My Saturday consisted of the following:

— going to see X-Men at 10:15 in the morning! (brief review: thanks for killing off, oh, WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE WITHOUT FURTHERING THE PLOT OR FOR ANY EMOTIONAL REACTION)
— going to the fabric store, discovering that it’s going out of business, and therefore buying $17 worth of craft supplies that include, but are not limited to, the following: iron-on letters; pink glitter; tags that say “Specially Handmade for You by Sally”; 400 different colors of embroidery thread.
— going to Hudson’s and buying a J. Crew shirt for $6 — the J. Crew stuff is 90% off, bitch
— eating delicious Pizza Shack pizza
— getting three books from the library: The Year of Magical Thinking, A History of the World in Six Glasses, and Arthur and George
— going to bed at 9:30

26 May 2006

TGIF.

Written by sally @ 8:42 am — Section: Uncategorized

Tell the truth: if y’all were 8 or 9, you would totally pay $2.25 for a Scholastic poster featuring this picture: (more…)

25 May 2006

Spoiled Spoilers!

Written by sally @ 9:23 am — Section: sally

Here’s my recap of last night’s Lost and American Idol! With lots of ellipses and exclamation points!

Locke and Eko battle over the button…and end their feud by swaying back and forth and singing a Burt Bacharach medley!

Michael takes Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Elliott Yamin, and Hurley into the Others’ trap…only to break down when he hears the sweet stylings of Mary J. Blige!

Desmond’s past is revealed…by Clay Aiken’s new wig!

We tremble with anticipation as we wait to see who America loves more…Taylor Hicks or Walt!

Kate kills a guy…who turns out to be Meat Loaf!

Sawyer is still hot…as is Prince!

I think this explains it all.

24 May 2006

GORJUS QUIZ OMG LOL.

Written by sally @ 9:41 am — Section: sally

I talk to Gorjus several hundred times a day. As he noted yesterday, usually I answer the phone by saying “bacon!” and then he says “ahoy-hoy!” (He used to just pretend he said “ahoy-hoy,” but now he actually says it.)

Occasionally — nay, often — he says things so ridiculous I must write them down. And today, I present to you a challenge: a quiz featuring some of the inane things Gorjus has actually said recently!

MULTIPLE CHOICE

1. Yesterday, Gorjus said, “He’s a magic dick who walks around doing stuff.” Who was he describing?
a) Spiderman
b) Jesus
c) George W. Bush
d) Bruce Springsteen

2. A few days ago, Gorjus said, “Sometimes, it’s like, the most awesome thing ever, and sometimes it’s just all, I don’t know, clammy.” What was he describing?
a) XM radio
b) television
c) internet
d) cheese

3. Which phrase was not recently used in an email from Gorjus to me?
a) “Holy effing mother of all that is fucking holy.”
b) “You are sending me to an emotional grave.”
c) subject line: “new website, same rat face”
d) “Great fucking food? You want to fuck that sweet tea?”

4. The correct Gorjusinated form of the word “driving” is
a) drovering
b) drivering
c) drivinged
d) driveding

SHORT ANSWER

5. Gorjus signed a series of emails recently with this acronym: “OMBC VP.” What does it stand for?

6. “Friptor.” Explain.

Good luck!

23 May 2006

Three Stupendous Nuggets!

Written by sally @ 10:47 am — Section: Uncategorized

1. I’ve been meaning to say that my favorite moment on any episode of Lost,* ever, happened last week, when Sawyer eulogized Ana Lucia by saying, “I screwed her.”

2. In other news, go here to read some of the best obituary of all time.

3. I’m reading a marginally crummy book right now. Imagine this: the author of one of your favorite teenybopper books, which you read, oh, 800 times, has written another novel featuring the same main characters, only instead of a 15-year-old Manhattanite, your hero is now a grandmother. It’s been sitting on my shelf for several years, and I thought I could just thumb through, but it has sucked me in and I apparently care way more about these people than I originally thought. They say “darling” a lot, though. It’s sort of wearing on me.

*Will move to #2 position when Sawyer and Jin start making out.

22 May 2006

P.S.

Written by sally @ 10:16 am — Section: Uncategorized

Today is Morrissey’s birthday. You should celebrate accordingly. Later, I’m going to lay on the couch with one arm over my eyes (the other dragging the floor) and say, over and over, I’m ill.

19 May 2006

Now with More Swedes.

Written by sally @ 5:25 pm — Section: sally

I was recently given a book with the following title:

Minnesota Brothers: Four Stories of Swedes Who Find Romance in Their New Homeland

While at first I was pissed, I have come to enjoy the phrase “four stories of Swedes” so much that it makes up for the shitty book.

P.S.: I just opened the book at random and found characters — perhaps the four Swedes? — named Gerda, Olga, Gustaf, and Ollie.

Big deal okay.

Written by sally @ 6:22 am — Section: sally

I was looking through some old posts seeing if I’ve already told a story about my dad and President Garfield (I haven’t), and came upon this post. The comments are priceless.

Enjoy!

18 May 2006

Tee Vee Rules My Life.

Written by sally @ 8:51 am — Section: sally

Lord help. I’m exhausted from all the television I’ve been watching. Spoilers ahead! There, you’ve been warned. (more…)

17 May 2006

American Pete.

Written by sally @ 6:50 am — Section: Uncategorized

Pete has a deep respect for the home arts.

And for American Idol. (more…)

16 May 2006

My Autobiography.

Written by sally @ 9:52 am — Section: sally

I just came across some information on Strickland W. Gillilan (1869-1954), who was a journalist who also wrote many books of poetry, such as Including Finnigin, A Sample Case of Humor, Laugh It Off, Danny and Fanny, and this, my favorite:

Sunshine and Awkwardness.

If I ever write my autobiography, I am totally calling it Sunshine and Awkwardness: The Sally J. Nordan Story.

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