30 Dec 2005

The Franz-Josef and MTHWINGBT.

Written by sally @ 11:33 am — Section: sally

• Larry grew a beard, then shaved it into the worst, most redneck facial hair ever: the Franz-Josef. He said next Christmas he’s totally going Hulihee — or will it be Chin Curtain? I enjoy the sheen the artist included on all the beards as well. (more…)

28 Dec 2005

Xmas Bliss.

Written by sally @ 12:44 pm — Section: sally

This was my view from the sideview mirror on the way to Memphis on Christmas Day:

Her gums were flapping in the wind like panties on a clothesline.

27 Dec 2005

Saved by Strangers.

Written by sally @ 8:59 pm — Section: sally

Sunday’s New York Times Magazine featured biographies of lesser-known people who died in 2005. I didn’t read all of them, but the ones I did read were amazing. My favorite was this one about Joseph S. Frelinghuysen:

What felt perverse was how beautiful the setting was. Frelinghuysen would later describe in his memoir the stunning beech and oak forests of those valleys in the region called Abruzzi — the flaming colors of autumn and the toylike villages stacked into the hills.

22 Dec 2005

The Best Gift Ever! And Bacon-Wrapped Coal.

Written by sally @ 2:39 pm — Section: sally

I’m going to have a great Christmas holiday. You know why? ‘Cause gorjus gave me this last night.

And The Elements of Style Illustrated! And a Morrissey DVD!

I gave him coal. Bacon-wrapped coal.

So basically, imagine this: it’s Christmas eve, and Larry, Lulu, Pete, and I are snuggled up on the couch watching and rewinding, over and over, all twelve chapters of the R. Kelly goodness. So far the only part I have memorized is this:

oh my god a rubber (rubber) (rubber) (rubber)

I have a long way to go if I’m going to have my performance piece ready for New Year’s.

21 Dec 2005

gclark, Birthday Boy.

Written by sally @ 11:03 am — Section: sally

Today is gclark‘s birthday again! It keeps happening, like, every year.

So I was thinking of what gclark story I could tell, and these were the candidates: (more…)

20 Dec 2005

The Professor and the Cadaver: A Laundry List.

Written by sally @ 11:59 am — Section: sally

Mrs. Floon used to housesit for a very strange professor and her much-older-than-her husband. (She was 50; he was 85 or so — and the rest of the department referred to him as “The Cadaver.”) Besides the gap in their ages, there was apparently a large gap in their brains as well, for they were hoarders.

And one day we decided to count things. (more…)

16 Dec 2005

J. Bubba’s Whim-Wham.

Written by sally @ 1:57 pm — Section: sally

Tomorrow is J. Bubba Cots‘s birthday, and what better way to celebrate this fact than to tell you all about his whim-wham? (more…)

14 Dec 2005

Pete the Bookend + Tidbittery.

Written by sally @ 8:58 pm — Section: sally

I’ll be out of the office Thursday bossing people much older and wiser than me around, so instead of a cryptic (disappearing) post about a cowboy song, here is a picture of Pete in his new favorite spot. (more…)

12 Dec 2005

The Happiest Moment of My Life.

Written by sally @ 3:26 pm — Section: sally

So picture this: it’s Christmas morning 1975, and you’re wearing the dress and pinafore that your mother made for you to match your Raggedy Ann doll, and while it appears you have a sassy pixie cut, you really just haven’t grown much hair yet. (more…)

8 Dec 2005

Television Postscript!

Written by sally @ 7:55 am — Section: Uncategorized

So, moments after I wrote last night’s post I started watching America’s Next Top Model and didn’t realize until then that it was the season finale! Way to go, advertising team. (more…)

7 Dec 2005

Gram Day, Some Soup, Et Cetera.

Written by sally @ 7:52 pm — Section: sally

• Today is Gram Day, made so by decree in 1989. (more…)

6 Dec 2005

Pete’s Christmas List.

Written by sally @ 7:52 am — Section: Uncategorized

(more…)

5 Dec 2005

A Conversation with Kazuo Ishiguro.

Written by sally @ 8:10 am — Section: sally

Sally: Hi.

Kazuo Ishiguro: Uh, hi. (more…)

1 Dec 2005

Oh, Really? No, Really.

Written by sally @ 6:23 pm — Section: sally

I just have to report a very awesome thing.

Someone called me today and asked for Jack the Ripper’s address and phone number.

Lady: He’s a real person, you know.
Me: Oh really?

Our internet connection was down at the moment so I sadly directed her elsewhere. I didn’t ask a bunch of questions since I had no means of finding the answer — um, assuming there was an answer to find and all. She did say that if she can’t find it herself, that she’ll call back in a few weeks. I can’t wait! If I were a teenage boy in the early nineties, I’d say, Score!