Yesterday I went to the grocery store at lunch to get a few things — eggs, cheese, butter, more steamable-in-the-bag sugar snap peas that I am currently obsessed with — and so brought the bag in and stowed it in one of our work fridges. At 2:50 I happened to look at the clock and suddenly remembered that I had a meeting across town. I got halfway to my car when I remembered my bag o’ perishables and had to go back upstairs. Anyway: just so we are clear, I arrived at my meeting a) late and b) with a carton of eggs. Oh hi! I brought snacks. Well, snacks-to-be. Almost snacks. Deconstructed snacks. Snacks in their purest form. OKAY FINE. I BROUGHT EGGS.

Speaking of the grocery store, on my way there yesterday I was listening to the soft rock easy listening station (of course I was) and heard part of that song that goes “Sunshine, go away today…” which is not a song I’m terribly familiar with (weird given my love of the soft rock easy listening station). Then as I was walking into the store, a man was walking out and what song do you think he was whistling? The same song. The grocery store was playing its own frightening mix of jazzy Muzaked favorites, so apparently the universe was just trying to tell me something. You do realize that I am the sort of person who really does think the universe is trying to tell me something, right? If you’d like to play along and perhaps guess what secret message I was supposed to receive, you should Google it. (I linked to some lyrics online that were apparently on a cruddy site that made people’s computers go nuts. So Google it yourself, why don’t you.)

And speaking of the soft rock easy listening station, I also heard “Careless Whisper” yesterday. Does anyone else think it’s funny that he says, “Though it’s easy to pretend, I know you’re not a fool”? It’s easy to pretend you’re a HUGE IDIOT DUMBASS, but you’re not, so, you know, we’re cool.

What’s worse than forgetting one of your bags at Target and having to go back the next day to get your stuff?

Having to go back to get the fuzzy dice dog toy and the, uh, cat beret you paid good money for.

Update! (more…)

Things You Can Do On Your Lunch Hour if You Live in a Town the Size of Jackson:

1. Go to the bank.
2. Go to the post office (go inside and wait in line and everything!).
3. Eat a cheeseburger (um, in your car in the Steinmart parking lot).
4. Buy Christmas presents for your grandmother at Steinmart.

Dear Clip-on Earrings That Are Always Half Price at Every Store, Everywhere, Always:

Don’t ever stop believing that someone will buy you. You’re the only gift my grandmother doesn’t complain about (see also: “You gave me too many pajamas,” winter 2003; “I have enough lotion,” winter 2006).

Love,
Sally