Y’all, I am tearing up National Poetry Month this year! Each year I forget how hard it is to find interesting poems that I can heartily endorse — ones that I haven’t posted before, that is. Oh well.
Yesterday I took Elsie, aka White Cat, aka Elsers, aka Elser Selsers, over to Rachel’s (my coworker) house to live. Cat abandonment! I know it’s for the best, as Elsie and Pete do not get along and Pete is such a pill that making him happy is kind of a priority. Elsie has been with us for a year and after trying for a year and keeping our house shut off into two halves and having a crazy cat who poops in the dog’s bed when he’s stressed, we had to do something. I was very sad about giving her away but glad she gets to live in a house where she’s the only kitty. I will miss the way she used to sit on the edge of my sink and tell me all about what’s going on on One Life to Live every morning. That’s the only thing I can figure out that she was saying. She’d see me get in the shower and say nothing, but then the moment I emerged she was all rarr rayrrr rarrrr? And I’d say oh yeah then what happened and she would say rar rar rarrr rarrrrrr!! And I would say nuh-uh you are making that up — Dorian Lord can’t still be on that show.
Anyway, so after having a few good boo-hoos about it (when I left Rachel’s house Elsie was hiding under the bed, and imagining what was going on in her little kitty head — which was probably more where’s my food? and less woe is me, no one loves me, here I sit under the bed, totally abandoned — set me off for several hours), I had finally recovered when Larry told me about something he read online.
Larry: I wasn’t going to mention it, but did you see that story where they thought there was a newborn in the trash can at Wal-Mart?
Me: Uh, no.
Larry: It turned out to be a burrito.
This set me off into the most hysterical laughter I have experienced in years. I was crying, I was choking, I was laughing in a totally new way that sounds nothing like my actual laugh, and when I was able to speak I kept asking questions that made me laugh more, like “was the burrito wearing a diaper” or “was the burrito crying” only I don’t think it sounded like English. Larry sort of laughed nervously the way you do when you see someone have a fit or a seizure (ok, imagining Larry standing around laughing while someone has a seizure is now making me laugh all over againl). He found the article and printed it for me, and then reading it in black and white made me start hysterically laughing all over again, and I could only make it through the first line without crumpling up the paper and laughing some more.
Here it is. I hope the word “only” in the second sentence brings you as much unbridled mirth as it did me.