9 Nov 2009

Phoning It In, Link-Style.

Written by sally @ 4:18 pm — Section: sally

For today’s discount NaBloPoMo entry, I link you to this entry written exactly 5 years ago today (and check out how people totally hijacked my comments! y’all! get your own blog!).

I also link you to this picture posted a year ago tomorrow. One of those kitties lives at our house now and one went to kitty heaven after playing a game of pinochle in the street.

8 Nov 2009

Sunday.

Written by sally @ 8:23 am — Section: Uncategorized

Oh, law. I wish I could really tell you about my Sunday, which was filled with family resentments and furtive text messaging and me having the best game face ever (that is, unmoving, unreacting). But that would be rude, wouldn’t it? Instead, I will tell you that I put cream cheese, sour cream, butter, milk, and cheddar cheese in the vat of mashed potatoes I made, and now I will never be satisfied with plain old milk and butter mashed potatoes.

7 Nov 2009

Saturday.

Written by sally @ 8:05 am — Section: sally

Today, I did the following:

–ate a coupla orange danish
–swept, Swiffered, vacuumed
–ate delicious cheese fries at the Cherokee
–watched in horror as my child ate honey mustard like it was ice cream
–bought a new washer and dryer (LG, front load, pretty) that will replace the washer that screams like it’s dying at the end of every cycle and the dryer that takes 2 hours to dry one pair of underpants
–shared a chocolate milkshake with Spike
–watched 27 episodes of Law and Order
–successfully wore my contacts for the first time in months!

6 Nov 2009

On the PFWID Hunt.

Written by sally @ 9:28 am — Section: sally

The other night when I was looking for the PFWID (purple folder with important documents), I came across a lot of great stuff. How often do you dig through the recesses of your junk storage areas? My answer: not often enough. Here’s some of the stuff I found:

1. A VHS tape of my friend’s brother on The Price is Right, wherein he wins a washer and dryer in the Showcase Showdown

2. Photo postage stamps of the Doag Loaver in a Santa hat that Professor Fury made me

3. College transcript, where among all the Cs and Ds, the thing that irritates me is that I got a B in Folk Dance

4. Some scraps of paper with quotations on them, like this:
“There are only two or three human stories and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely as if they had never happened before.” — Willa Cather

5. A drawing depicting the events at a party at xyz’s house, circa 1999 (way too big to post here!), featuring Shirk curled up on the floor talking to a wooden camel

6. A notebook with this picture in it:

mauve

I felt sure that “moave doak” was a Doag Loaver reference, but on the next page is this list, and if you read carefully you’ll see that there were mauve shorts-wearing frat kids involved, so I think this must’ve been how one of them was standing. Thank you, tiny notebook, for bringing us this moment.

5 Nov 2009

Update.

Written by sally @ 7:38 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Hey, I found the folder! In the baby’s closet like I said, LARRY. There was no reason to worry!

And yes: this is all I’m writing today. NaBloPoMo rules.

4 Nov 2009

O Folder My Folder.

Written by sally @ 7:56 pm — Section: Uncategorized

If you were a purple folder with a couple of car titles and birth certificates in it, where would you be? And don’t say “the file cabinet” because I’ve already looked there. Don’t say “inexplicably in the guest room dresser drawers,” either, because I’ve looked there, too. I’ve narrowed it down to the following places, as I am running out of house to search:

a) shelves in baby’s closet (baby’s room used to be the guest room)
b) under the bed
c) up my butt

Larry is not confident in my cheery refrain of “it’s in the house somewhere!” but seriously, it’s in the house somewhere. Will we find it before we sell my car on Sunday? Now that’s debatable.

3 Nov 2009

Oh, Awesome.

Written by sally @ 8:15 pm — Section: Uncategorized

NaBloPoMo is already a pain in the ass. Hooray!

Today, I did the following:
1. Woke up with my left eye completely sealed shut with goo.
2. Walked into the guest room (where my mother was) with my arms outstretched, claiming to be a one-eyed zombie.
3. Went to the doctor and got some antibiotics for the sinus infection that is coming out of my eye.
4. GROSS
5. Sent an email to a high school friend suggesting that the reason her high school boyfriend just friended her on Facebook is that he wants to cut off her head and use her for a prop for the haunted house he runs.

It’s going to be a long month.

2 Nov 2009

Number Two in a Series of Posts Like This.

Written by sally @ 2:21 pm — Section: Uncategorized

Today I took great satisfaction in this: I was chatting online with a friend and telling him about this (semi-unexciting) church carnival we took Spike to on Saturday. Then I said, “And there was a dunking booth with a guy dressed as Jesus in it!” and my friend believed me, at least for a minute.

The other thing is, on Saturday I took Pete to the vet for a small vacation while my mother is visiting, and he was yowling so melodiously on the way that I called the workplace’s main desk and let Pete meow it up on the voice mail. Of course, I ruined the surprise this morning by saying, “HEY LET’S ALL CHECK THE VOICE MAIL TOGETHER HA HA WHAT NO REASON.”

1 Nov 2009

Welcome to NaBloPoMo!

Written by sally @ 2:14 pm — Section: Uncategorized

I could never commit to NaNoWriMo, but this, this I can handle. Especially with the handy way WordPress lets you backdate your posts. Not that I would ever do that!

Here is a vanity tag for today:
6FTUNDA

28 Oct 2009

O Kroger.

Written by sally @ 3:42 pm — Section: sally

Last week I accidentally bought applesauce with sugar in it and because I don’t want Spike to get used to it, today at lunch I went back to the grocery store to exchange it. I mean, come on, I’m going to return some applesauce? Dude, it’s a $1.99 6-pack of applesauce! Get over it. Throw it away, give it to someone, eat it, move on. But I really wanted to exchange it, and so I stood in line feeling mildly to moderately sheepish, and then the clouds parted and the angels sang, and any trace of “I am the kind of person who returns applesauce” vanished when I saw that the lady in front of me was returning a tube of Preparation H.

27 Oct 2009

Brothers and Sisters, Fast Forwarded.

Written by sally @ 6:51 pm — Section: sally

Hey look, it’s Sunday night’s episode of Brothers and Sisters, recapped and condensed into one scene!

Kitty: I have cancer, but I feel pretty good.
Nora: NO YOU DON’T I WANT YOU TO FEEL TERRIBLE SO YOU WILL NEVER LEEEEEEEEEAVE MEEEEEE SOB SOB
Robert: I am going to take you to an exciting Republican dinner! At the Reagan Library!
Kitty: I am so excited!
Holly: (aside) I have lost all of my money, but have not told anyone. Shh! Here comes my boyfriend, David.
David: Why so glum?
Holly: SHUT UP I HATE YOU
Scotty: Let’s have a baby!
Kevin: I want control over everything, all the time.
Scotty: I found this random purse maker to carry our child! Why aren’t you excited? The viewing public has never seen her before, but it’s all cool, y’all.
Frenchman: Oh, Walker fameely! Leet me chahm you wiz my dancing and, how you say, abs!
All the Walkers except for Nora: THAT GUY IS HOT.
Kitty: I am so excited about the Republican event!
Robert: Oh, about that. I have tricked you. It’s really a dinner for two inexplicably atop a building.
Kitty: I really wanted to see some Republicans. You don’t have to be such a show off with your annoying gestures, Robert.
Fireworks explode nearby.
Robert: Ahem.
Nora: FRET FRET FRET
Frenchman: Eet ees ok, Nora. Le French ave a saying, “Blah blah blah blah.” Let us dance.
Nora: All my problems are resolved, kind of! Scotty and Kevin used a dancing metaphor to sort out their surrogacy issue, Sarah apologized to me for screaming at me about telling the kids about Kitty’s cancer, Evan actually exists, and next week stupid Tommy comes back!

FIN

Note: I watched this episode on fast forward with the closed captioning on. It’s totally the way to go. I slowed it down to watch in regular time a couple of times, and would have died had I had to sit through that scene where Rebecca and Frenchie tango or whatever. Fast forward, suckas!

19 Oct 2009

I Remembered the Tenth Thing.

Written by sally @ 7:48 pm — Section: sally

If you had two 30″ gouges in your guest room wall that were arranged in such a way that you could not completely cover both with a picture/poster/hanging of some kind, which solution would drive you less insane?

a) covering both gouges somewhat with one picture
b) covering one gouge completely and leaving one gouge intact

I have done both, but am interested in which one seems less gross.

Updated! Here is how the gouges are arranged: (more…)

Nine Brief Things for a Monday.

Written by sally @ 3:03 pm — Section: sally

1. This morning while I was blowdrying my hair, I accidentally picked up a hammer instead of my brush. What? They both have handles, although the hammer was, unsuprisingly, ineffective.
2. I braved Wal-Mart on Saturday and could have submitted several things to People of Wal-Mart had I been quick or clever enough. I saw a 6 year old with a very pronounced mohawk (I mean shaved bald on the sides; totally not a faux hawk) and a lady with maybe 30 tiny bubbles and stars tattooed on the backs of each calf.
3. I’m reading Almost There by Nuala O’Faolain, which might be the weirdest memoir ever. She wrote a bestselling memoir, Are You Somebody? and a novel, My Dream of You, and this memoir is a memoir of writing the first two books. It sounds incredibly boring, and in a way it is, but she has a very easy voice to read, and now I am almost finished. I was going to write “I am almost there HA HA HA” but decided against it.*
4. Larry and I went to Oxford last weekend to see David Sedaris. Guess what: he is small and hilarious.
5. In a discussion where I had just told her I thought her line of reasoning was weird (weird being the nicest word to describe “ABSOLUTELY EFFING INSANE” that I could summon), my friend told me not to cry. People: I wasn’t about to cry. Apparently my about-to-cry face is the same as my your-line-of-reasoning-is-absolutely-effing-insane face. Who knew?
6. I keep having the urge to write inappropriate things as my Facebook status, such as:
Sally Nordan just realized she only peed once today. It was true!
7. I have a large amount of Christmas shopping already completed.
8. Spike has this awesome new habit of saying “ow,” then pinching me or Larry.
9. We went to the state fair on Saturday and I finally got to eat a fried Snickers! Years ago I saw an episode of Nigella Bites where she fried a Bounty bar and it was dark brown and crispy and made a satisfying crunching sound when the person bit into it. The biter also said it was like Christmas and your birthday all wrapped into one. That is what I wanted, but instead I got a warm Snickers wrapped in a thin, non-crunchy layer of batter. Sigh.

*I just Googled her to see if I spelled her name right (almost) and discovered that she died last year. It’s a bit of a shock to be reading someone’s memoir and imagining her alive the whole time, only to discover that she’s dead. I feel kind of weird.

15 Oct 2009

Recent Tagz!

Written by sally @ 12:43 pm — Section: Uncategorized

ILLKYOU
HOLESUM
VAMPYRE

Discuss, especially #1.

14 Oct 2009

Just a Note.

Written by sally @ 6:53 pm — Section: sally

When you have a small child and a terrible cat, you may find yourself eyeing something under a dining room chair and thinking to yourself, “Is that a grape or a turd?”

Turns out it was a grape. But there was a turd nearby.

That is all.

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