straws
bacon
garlic bread

UPDATED:
coathangers

Sometimes I wonder about Martha Stewart. I made these bar cookies yesterday, and while they are beautiful and tasty, they are also so sweet you can feel your teeth crying and rotting before you even take a bite. I cut them into about 24 manageable pieces — Martha claims this recipe makes 16. Well, 16 if you have a crush on your dentist and want to have a reason to go visit him. (more…)

I spent most of Saturday on the couch. Earlier in the day I was at the grocery store and was feeling sort of lightheaded…and then a display of holiday teas sort of, uh, lurched at me. And I flinched. You know, in the store. Because a holiday tea display tried to assault me. And then I couldn’t figure out where anything was located, and ended up forgetting half the things even though I had a list in my hand, and then I went home and got under a quilt on the couch and stayed there for the next six hours.

I seem to be much less weird today, but now I have a headache and am convinced that a lurching holiday tea display is the first sign of a brain tumor.

Last night Larry and I went to see Stranger than Fiction — which was much, much sweeter and more serious than I expected it to be. It was funny, sure (we both laughed out loud at several places), but it was just…overall better than I thought it would be. Bonus: in Anna’s bakery, there is a Rogue Wave flier on the wall! Double bonus: the song “Whole Wide World” by Wreckless Eric is featured!

Oh, we should all bow down to Ben Greenman and his Fragments from If I Did It! The Musical:

Murder, mayhem, spousal abuse:
The Juice is loose! The Juice is loose!

Book deal, magazines, TV show:
From open wounds great profits flow.

A phone conversation with a very old man who desperately needed to clear his throat:

Sally: …and then I’ll give the information to Mary, who will take care of it for you.
Very Old Phlegmy Man: Oh, do you know Mary?
Sally: No, not personally.
Very Old Phlegmy Man: Oh, well then let me describe her! She’s about 250, 300 pounds —
Sally: (reaches for pen to write all of this down)
Very Old Phlegmy Man: — and is one of the kindest people you’ll ever know. She’s just as black as she can be and very, very intelligent. Mary knows everything. Mary — well, Mary is number one.
Sally: Oh, uh-huh.
Very Old Phlegmy Man: She’s a wonderful person even though she’s black.
Sally: (pause)
Very Old Phlegmy Man: You know I grew up here in Mississippi, with some folks that were half-black, half-white. But I’m white.
(pause)
Very Old Phlegmy Man: Or so they say.
Sally: Ok, well, I’ll take a look and then give you a call back! Bye!

Whoo! All this posting every single day with no cheating is wearing me out!

So.

Friday night we went to Oxford for the Pernice show. (more…)

(People: as Nancy Reagan would say if she knew what time stamp tampering was, “just say no.”)

Today I raked leaves with Larry, and I have to say, raking leaves is so much more fun when it’s a leaf-raking temperature outside (it was in the 30s and then the 40s) and not our usual standard-80-degree fall/winter temperature.

In other news, I will be glad when it is 2007 and I can stop fake-posting for the weekend on Monday mornings. Not that I’m doing that.

(People: in today’s society, time stamp tampering is one of our biggest problems. I read that in a student essay once.)

Today Larry and I came back from Oxford early because Pete (who was left at home) kept setting off the house alarm in the middle of the night by climbing to the top of a cabinet to chew on a plant — said cabinet and plant are directly in front of the motion sensor.

I also went to bed at 8:15.

(People: tampering with the time stamp is something I would NEVER DO in order to complete my new year’s resolution to post every day.)

Tonight Larry and I are going to Oxford to see the Pernice Brothers. I am excited, but I wonder if a bunch of frat kids will clap sarcastically for the band and piss Joe Pernice off? Nah, that wouldn’t happen!

On Monday when I took a totally unnecessary day off just because I could, I rearranged some furniture — one of my most favorite things to do, especially when no one is home to say “are you sure that’ll fit there? let’s measure first” — and in the process had to unload/reload a cabinet that houses all my cds. I found some I forgot I had, some I hadn’t loaded into iTunes (uh, is that the expression? “loaded into iTunes”? “uploaded to my computer”? wha?), and some that I thought were long gone. Along with a lot of empty cd cases that give me stress but that I’m trying not to think about. (more…)

Topics: Fred Willard overdose; Pernicing; an almost cat murder; television notes; and a letter to Britney. (more…)

For no real reason at all — except the fact that I have today off — here is a picture of one of the most frightening costumes of all time. I give you Sid and Nancy, circa 1998: (more…)

(more…)

Hello! The view here from my couch is fantastic!

Larry and I bought a laptop yesterday, and while I thought it was a good idea and all, it didn’t occur to me that I could be under a heated blanket on the couch watching tv and reading blogs at the same time. If only there were an endless supply of soft-shell crab sushi and key lime tarlets at my side, my life would be perfect right now.

(Ed. note: Be grateful I just deleted the paragraph about the episode of Clean House I just watched, with the dude who was an asshole about getting rid of his waterbed, kegerator, and dj equipment. You’ve been spared!)