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20 Oct 2005

A Moron, A Cadaver, and a Muppet.

Written by sally @ 9:12 am — Section: Uncategorized

Thank god things are picking up: last night’s ANTM included fighting, tears, and girls who do not know the definition of the word “vice.”


1. Lisa: You are presenting yourself as a moron.
Coryn: Then what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?

Right after this exciting moment, the show cut to commercial. I couldn’t wait to hear what Lisa said back. Then the show came back on, they replayed that moment, and then, um, they cut to the girls getting into the van with no reaction from Lisa. Oh, snap.

2. Lisa got drunk again, then started crying and breathing weird, and then the editors really confused me by showing us a slow motion Lisa wiping her slow motion eyes with a slow motion Kleenex. Isn’t slow motion reserved for really exciting things? In the past, the editors employed slow motion to show us the bitch pouring beer on Tiffany’s weave, prompting her to say, “Bitch poured beer on my weave!” Now that is an effective use of slow-mo.

3. Dear Naima,

I know you won last season, but you have a terrible smile. I thought models were supposed to be symmetrical. Also, listening to you talk about makeup is about as convincing as hearing me talk about how much I love roaches. WTF.


4. Tyra came in for a heart-to-heart about vices (prompted by Lisa’s drunkenness, I guess).

Tyra: Are you dealing with any vices?
Bre: Yes, sleep.
Sally (to Pete): WTF?
Tyra: What does sleep do for you?
Bre: Oh, it restores you, relaxes you.
Tyra: Uh, ok, so how many of you smoke?


Lisa: I drink wine.
Tyra: Oh, are you a wino?
Lisa: Yes.
Tyra: Do you have to drink every day?
Lisa: I don’t have to, no. The feeling I get is so…I can’t explain it. It’s just so…ahhhh.

5. The challenge is a 3-in-1: the girls have to shoot a commercial, do a photo shoot, and participate in an interview. I was wondering why until I shuddered while remembering Naima’s non-personality in front of the camera. They really screwed themselves that time, so I guess they’re going to make sure the girl they choose can actually, you know, talk without sounding like a cadaver marionette.

6. You know when you do something to someone, and then you hear that they’re mad at you because of it, and then you become enraged because HOW DARE THEY ACCUSE YOU OF THE VERY THING THAT YOU DID THAT IS SO LAME OMG OMG? It’s too boring to go into, but Jayla allegedly stole Nik’s line in her commercial, then when Jayla heard that Nik was pissed she became a completely freaked out Muppet. Seriously, I think she’s a pretty girl, but she looked like an insane elf in her confessional as she ranted and raved about Nik. She actually said these words: Something big’s gonna happen. MARK MY WORDS. Something big’s goin’ down. I can only hope, in the tradition of Zell Miller, she will challenge Nik to a duel.

5 Responses to “A Moron, A Cadaver, and a Muppet.”

  1. beth said:

    I stopped watching after a while last night. Who got kicked off?

  2. sally said:

    Coryn, the one who has the awful eyebrows (who also looks like a man).

  3. Calla said:

    I had forgotten about Jayla’s psychotic confessional. Dude, YOU “stole” HER line. Why you gonna kill her??

  4. gorjus said:

    Because she’s frontin’! Um.

  5. Liz said:

    “Insane elf” is the best description I’ve read yet. Whoo, they really got the party started with this episode! Loved it.