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18 Oct 2005

Kill Me Now.

Written by sally @ 10:38 am — Section: sally

I hate to be the one to tell y’all this, but there’s an alarming, disturbing new trend. It’s called bumper nuts.

It’s, uh, fake, flesh-colored, giant, horrible testicles that insecure rednecks hang on their trucks. You know, I could’ve lived my whole life without knowing that these exist.

Sunday we were eating at Swensen’s and as we were leaving, I noticed a truck with the license plate AINT IT. This was entertaining enough for me. I was already reaching into my purse for my little notebook where I keep the list of vanity plates.

And then Larry said, That truck has balls.

I thought he meant because they dared to have AINT IT as their license plate. No, he said. It literally HAS BALLS. We had to back up to look again.

Kill me now.

9 Responses to “Kill Me Now.”

  1. beth said:

    That really upset me. Seriously.

  2. pinky said:

    i actually almost rearended a bumper nuts truck. i was just so stunned that i didn’t notice the truck was stopping.

    that, my friends, would have sucked to put on a police report: “didn’t stop because drive was looking at nuts”

  3. Calla said:

    The creepiest thing about that website is the squirrels with the nuts. Ewwww.

  4. gorjus said:

    I refuse to look at the website. I have seen the chrome ones, but not the, er, fleshy ones.

    Did you get the joke, though? “Ain’t it nuts!” Woo!

  5. The Boy Davis said:

    Oh dear me. Proudly it states though: DROP FORGED IN THE USA

  6. poobou said:

    Sally, I think we just found another item to add to your list of boys you will never date. “Has bumper nuts on his car” should be a big no-no.

  7. Éd said:

    I find it alarming not only that these exist, but that people would actually put them on their cars. I pray that we never start seeing a different kind of “headlights” on vehicles now…

  8. Larry Ferrari said:

    I saw a Honda del-sol the other day with a bumper-womb.

  9. abby said:

    Yes, but are bumpernutz worse than Neuticals, fake dog balls?
    (Which I thought was a HOAX until the guy actually won some sort of AWARD.) Kill us all now.