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6 Oct 2005

I Know Your Plans Don’t Include Me.

Written by sally @ 9:06 am — Section: sally


Yesterday I was in a four-hour web training seminar and was absolutely bored out of my mind. My company is getting a new website, and I am going to be responsible for um, one page of it. So naturally I need 20 hours of training in order to edit this one page.

Anyway, I was keeping myself occupied by playing on the internet (the training labs had those computers that are below the desks, so no one can see your screen — brilliant) and doing a crossword puzzle. I used to do the puzzle every day, but I’ve stopped, and my skills are rusty. So I decided to cheat. Hello, Google.

One of the clues was “The first part of a quizzical Bob Seger lyric.” Hmm. So I went to a Bob Seger lyric website and scrolled through them. Apparently it was a combination of me suffering extreme ennui, being in a very cold room, and having had several cups of coffee in the afternoon (I should never drink coffee in the afternoon, as it toys with my senses and emotions) because I ended up reading the lyrics to “We’ve Got Tonight” and thinking, damn, this is a really good song.

It’s lovely in a desperate sort of way. Bob’s laying it on the line, not fooling himself at all when he says: “I know your plans don’t include me.” That’s being fairly straightforward. If you’ve ever done anything you know is bad but you do it anyway because it’s fun, the carpe diem quality of “we’ve got tonight / who needs tomorrow?” pretty much sums that feeling up. This might totally wreck me, but I don’t care.

Like I said, I shouldn’t drink coffee in the afternoons. I don’t even like Bob Seger. I throw up a little every time I hear “Night Moves.”

Ok, so last night’s Top Model was pretty exciting, although I think the producers have lost their damn minds when it comes to photo shoots. A few seasons ago, the photo shoots were like this: hey, girl, put on this dress and look fierce. Last night, it was: hey, girl, put on this ugly outfit ’cause the theme is fashion victims, and run on this treadmill in front of this green screen, and look scared but pretty at the same time, and afterwards we will put in something scary behind you but we’re not telling you what it is.

There was also some lesbian/kind of straight girl making out, and Ms. J. Alexander won the award for Most Intensely Gay Human on Television, Ever for wearing a sparkly Esther Williams bathing suit and cap, and at the end the bottom two girls were the lesbian and the kind of straight girl. The judges are totally off their game without Janice Dickinson, and hardly anyone said anything awful/funny except Ms. Jay said that the lesbian walked “like she had an overdose of Viagra.” In the poignant booting moment, Tyra mentioned that the kind of straight girl had spent “thousands of dollars” on her potential modeling career. Um. Did I miss something? What the hell is she talking about?

Also, Lost is sort of killing me. The button! Press the button! Or not! The suspense is getting to me. Ok, so I’ve never been on a desert island after surviving a plane crash. And I’ve never stumbled into a hatch/biodome and been presented with the dilemma of whether to press a button every 108 minutes or not. And perhaps I am revealing myself as a defeatist by thinking, what’s the big deal? y’all are pretty much dead anyway so who cares if you press the button. But still? KILLING ME.

The failure of Martha Stewart Apprentice, which is quickly going down the tubes, is totally not Martha’s fault. It has nothing to do with the Marthaness and everything to do with the crap contestants. I watched it this morning, and here is my list of pros and cons about the show:

Pros:
Martha Stewart
challenges involving books, flowers, and wedding cakes
cool loft

Cons:
horrible personalities
ugly jawlines
old men who chew unlit cigars
rabid tempers
bad ideas
no sense that anger = insane in a business setting
Hateful Jim

In unrelated news, could someone please explain what the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is and what it does?

14 Responses to “I Know Your Plans Don’t Include Me.”

  1. Prof. Fury said:

    Yeah, we were in a restaurant a few weeks ago, and “Night Moves” was on the muzak, and I said to Contessa, “Well, it can’t get any worse.” And then “Lay Down Sally” came on. And I wept bitter tears.

    The push-the-button/no-don’t-push-it tension doesn’t bother me in and of itself, but trying to use it as a metaphor for Locke and Po5 dude’s philosophical differences is a bit much.

    And it was good to see Judith Light working again. I just assumed she was dead.

  2. Polly said:

    i’ll take Lay Down Sally over You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille anyday.

  3. sally said:

    I used to think the line was “four hundred children and a crop in the field” instead of “four hungry children and a crop in the field.”

  4. Prof. Fury said:

    No, no, no. “Lucille” has the courage of its own awfulness: it’s a big, over-sentimental, over-produced mess. “Lay Down Sally,” by contrast, sounds like it was composed and performed by a “rock-n-roll” program that a precocious twelve-year-old wrote for his Commodore Vic-20.

  5. sally said:

    “Lay Down Sally” and “Mustang Sally” are both terrible uses of my fine name.

    Was that actually Judith Light, or just a reasonable facsimile?

  6. Frenchie said:

    Recently, at my local too-hip-for-me coffee shop, I had to ask them to turn off the Steely Dan cd, b/c it had been playing the last time I’d been there, and I couldn’t take it again. They laughed, and then put on Jack Johnson. But at least it wasn’t Bob Seger.

    So did you catch the finale of SYTYCD? Or you above that now?

    PS — I’m caught up on Extras, and I lurve it.

  7. beth said:

    Where are you guys seeing the Judith Light? Not in Peg Bundy’s face, I hope.

  8. sally said:

    I didn’t catch the end! I’m not above it, I just have too much stuff on the tivo. Who won?

    I just looked it up, and you’re right, Beth. Totally not Judith Light at all.

  9. Prof. Fury said:

    Wait, wait–not Katey Sagal, for pete’s sake. I know what Katey Sagal looks like. Wasn’t the counselor in that meeting Judith Light?

    (I thought I had verified it earlier, but I think my verification methods were not the best)

  10. gorjus said:

    Okay, here’s the rub: I think “Night Moves” is absolutely one of the best song I’ve ever heard. Not kidding. I’m sort of obssessed with it, and it’s clicked in on my XM to pop up when it’s on.

    Like “We’ve Got Tonight”–which one might argue is its logical, adult ending–it shows how two persons might be together for the sole purpose of physical need. Sure it’s chock-full of double entrendres (“living by the sword,” “waited on the thunder”), the it’s a rock opera, of a sorts, and I really, really dig it.

    I also think that by using such an operatic, or epic, scope, it presents sexual pragmaticism with unabashed romance–a great paradox which I think listeners rarely get. See: Extreme, “More Than Words.” And really, that’s what a lot of early rock and roll, which Mr. Seger emulates so well, did so well: made teenage symphonies to God out of the adolescent panting.

  11. Frenchie said:

    SYTYCD winner = Nick, though Melody was 2nd. And in the finale, all 16 dancers came back for one more number, scary-botoxed hostess Lauren Sanchez did a salsa number with Alex da Silva (and therefore had to wear one of those super-skimpy salsarrific outfits, revealing her pasty, skeletal frame), and they brought back the ribbon-guy from the auditions to do his own shirtless routine (with a ribbon). The four finalists (AshlĂ©, Jamile, Melody, Nick) each did a “redo” of their favorite routines from the season, thereby bringing back some of their favorite-already-eliminated partners. Actually, it wasn’t too bad of a show. I’ll miss it, and its crazy judges.

  12. pinky said:

    SYTYCD: sorta happy that Nick won but I was rooting for Melody or Jamile. it was a good finale, although I hate Jonnis and would love to kill him. his mere presence irks me. asshole.

    Mr. Clean Magic Eraser: put it under water and squeeze out the excess, and you get a little wonder scrubby thing. It does pretty well, i cleaned my nasty microwave with it. but, after you get it dirty and before it’s to the point you can throw it away? it looks nasty and they still want you to use it. i wouldn’t buy it unless it was on sale.

  13. beth said:

    I’m sorry I doubted your Katey Segal identification skills, Prof. I cannot verify the Judith Light sighting.

  14. biz said:

    I used the Mr Clean Magic Eraser to clean all the scuff off my stairwell after moving into a new place. It worked well. Then I hauled something else down the stairs and scuffed the wall again. A friend with two small children swears by it–which is why I bought it.

    I saw Martha Stewart for the first time last night. What a mind-numbingly boring show.

    I saw ANTM for the first time this season (cycle) last night. So, the girl goes home because she’s pissed off they want to cut another inch and a half off of the hair they just hacked off and bleached. WTF? I miss Janice Dickinson. She was the reason the show was such a train wreck on TV. I am also surprised it took this long to get the lesbian girl/stright girl make-out scene.